It just so happened then summer came along and I got so busy with all things music, that I then couldn't keep it updated, so I've spent the last two months racking my brains as to how I can fit everything in and that's when it struck me.
The reason I was struggling to keep it all together was because of the words of another. This shadow that kept trying to overpower me, I realized was no friend when she stated that my work needed to have no face, because people don't want to know a girl like me. I put my energy into believing that. It wasn't long before I realized the face of my work is actually what people connect with, that I realized, was why I was struggling to create content.
The thing is and bloggers you will know this, is that when you create a post your readers connect with you as a person. I find people tell me they like my personable way of writing, my personality in my work. So I vow never again to let the words of another bring me down.
I've suffered with anxiety for a good few years now, it started as a kid, I would have crippling panic attacks when I felt scared. I managed to overcome these by the age of 16 but after getting my heartbroken at 18 and ending up in several downward spiralling relationships and a personal rut, the anxiety came back in the form of fear.
I never attended college meet ups, stopped attending auditions and eventually managed to convince myself I was never going to amount to anything interesting and that life was work, houses and chores. As a creative person, this not only brought me down but managed to bring me to a standstill.
I made one last vain attempt to free myself from my demons, I cut out the people in my life who brought me down, I quit my job, ended my relationship, everything but cut my hair. (One bad haircut from my mum, my best friend Caz - I still remember crying and Stingray from neighbors (long story) was enough to persuade me to keep it long and stop going for daring cuts.)
I remember buying company magazine, it had become the light in a dark place and I loved it's colourful pages, pretty clothes but mostly it's bloggers, street stylers and beauty queens. The fact that they were for the most part real girls, took away my crippling fear and made me feel that maybe just maybe one day, I could be much like them.
It led me to Jennie Masters fashion blog, I loved her style, it partly reminded me of my own except I'd never had the confidence to talk about it. The blog I found alongside this one was BeckyBedbug. Between these two girls, there was rarely a day I didn't log on, to see if a new post would be there for me to read.
As I began to look for more blogs I came across EffiesMakeUpBox, so cool. I LOVED the outfit posts and I started to read more and more blogs until one day I decided to start my own. I thought this is it, this is the moment my life will turn around. So I sat eagerly planning my blog and posts, only to discover that it wasn't easy, I couldn't create an empire or look stunning in my outfits and I began to deflate again.
Then while listening to music a 'review' fell out of a case. I used to review every CD I bought and write the review on a piece of A4 paper and tuck it inside the case in case someone in hundreds of years were to find it and wonder what it was like, they might not be able to play it if a new form of technology took over CD's!
I thought about it when the phone rang, Mel 'hey do you want to go to a gig tonight?' we trundled down to a pub in Portsmouth and watched the band play. I found myself excited and after went home and typed a review. (The story doesn't end there but I could write all day about the journey that followed.) So to summarize LITTLEBEARWOLF was born.
Fashion and beauty were hard for someone with little to no self esteem to write about, music has and always will be a massive passion of mine and throughout my darkest times it was there to create a moment of bliss.
The journey that led me to here has meant a boost in esteem, confidence and knowing that following my passions is what makes my life happy.
That character that has evolved is me and the heart I put into my work comes from that character and passion. So I'll never again take the personality out of what I do.
In fact if anything, it's made me feel stronger as a blogger.
I only recently started to watch vlogs. It wasn't long until I came across Zoella. Firstly like the blogs I first read all those months ago, the thing that drew me into her videos was that I felt I could connect with Zoe. As if in a another life or time we'd be friends. I liked her personable nature and when I watched her videos about anxiety, it sealed the deal that she'd be added to my list of inspiring blogger people.
The trouble is though, when you have a blog that you pour your life and soul into, it becomes very personal. I sort of think it becomes your horcrux, the one you didn't mean to make. A little part of your soul goes into it, meaning when people (not Harry Potter as we're not all demon wizards trying to destroy humanity, i'm talking more about internet trolls and gollum like 'friends') so when people say or do hurtful things to it, it's personal and painful.
It's because I can tell you first hand it's bloody hard work running a blog. It's the greatest thing I've ever done but it's everyday of my life, being me and the musicians I work with, people sometimes expect you to be on it 24/7 when actually I'll be hiding in Skyrim building my archery skills just to feel an escape from the world.
People who don't have the fire (by fire I mean creativity, inspiration, motivation and get up and go) to create their own piece of happiness, they turn to destroying the people who have.
I thought that by now being in the adult world that people would be more compassionate than to try and turn others against those they are envious of. If Bowling for soup taught me anything, it's that high school never ends. So unfortunately where light shines, darkness dwells.
What's important to remember here bloggers is that they will never be you. We each alone have the power to be us and make our own stories as incredible and exciting as we desire.
I've met non-blogger types who say it's pointless and a bunch of teenagers making videos about lipstick, but I don't need to explain myself to them. They are entitled to their opinion.
Blogging brought me a whole new world, new people, new places and experiences.
Blogging is a huge community of people that can express themselves in areas they are passionate about for hobbies, part of or all of their work. It's a big industry that's ever growing and one day maybe we'll all be doing something different, we're not hurting anyone, we're simply sharing things with others that make our lives happy. Be it bands, make up, help for conditions like anxiety or local business' worth checking out.
So to those who down on bloggers and tell us we're wasting our time, I ask what they're doing with theirs that provides them with the power to control others.
A wise tutor turned friend once told me 'they accept convention and when someone challenges convention, they worry that you may break the convention and they realise they could be doing it differently. Without the willpower and motivation they never will, so their only power is their hold over you'.
Here are a selection of blogs that provide me with inspiration and the bloggers who have become my friends and colleagues.
BeckyBedbug // EffiesMakeUpBox // NotSoCity // Music&Manxies // Le-Happy // Songbird // USN // Scarphelia // Ella Masters // Flat Eleven // Gembolini // Jough // PierreLeCat // Annarack // Zoella
Just in case you'd like to take a wander to my music blog LITTLEBEARWOLF you can!
The above blogs are my faves, I read others and always like to read more so feel free to comment below with your links. Either through email, tweets or blogging I've come to know these bloggers and have respect for each of them.
We each forge our own paths in life, whether we know it or not we all have the power to be creative. It took me a long time to feel as worthy as some of the bloggers above but when I got to know them I came to realise just how lovely they were and human too. They each have their own magic and have helped me to find mine.
LOVE & PEACE
♥ ☮
KG
Images / content belong to their respective owners.
LITTLEBEARWOLFCOVE © Krystal Gemma.
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