What happens after happily ever after

From as young as I can remember people were always saying to me; 'What do you want to do when you grow up', 'What are your dreams?' and 'What do you want to do in life?', I don't know why asking a child those questions will achieve absolutely anything at all. I didn't understand what being a grown up meant, hell I'm 26 and I still don't understand the meaning of life!

The thing is we change, we grow, it's completely natural to become and entirely different person to the person you thought you'd be when you were six or seven. We grow and experience life at different rates, from different perspectives and while one persons dream may be to travel the world, another person may dream of settling down and having a family. Maybe some people only dream that they could see a loved one again for even just a day or perhaps they dream that they would like to just smile even once at the reflection staring back at them in the mirror.

Dreams aren't a competition, a race, there's no bar to measure up to, we're given a very limited amount of time to live, all that time is borrowed, so whatever you dream, just begin it. Who care's if it's not perfect, at least once it's started you've taken the first steps towards achieving it.

What happens when you hit the point of happily ever after, we aren't characters that cease to be once the final page in that chapter has been turned, we go to sleep and upon us from nowhere dawns a new day. I was told that once you achieve your dreams, you can make new dreams, but actually that's not as simple as it sounds.

Two and a half years ago I quite a full time job, left a comfortable relationship, moved back in with my parents, stopped socializing with the people I had been calling friends for years and one late night after Googling 'what is the point of life' I happened across Blogger. I was familiar with blogs and had wanted to start one for some time but had no real idea on where to begin with it all, it didn't even have a name.

I just began to write, I wrote about music. I wrote a post that led to another and another until before I knew it, that seemingly irresponsible set of previous choices had led me to a life of passion, I had a new direction, I had a new boyfriend and I had a new perspective.

I happened across a piece of paper in which I had written a list of the things I wanted to achieve and was surprised that I had ticked each thing off, the final one being moving out again.

Except I felt this unnerving feeling in the back of my mind, it would be strongest at night or when I was alone and before I knew it I felt as miserable as I had when everything was placid. I had achieved my dreams, I was happy, things were 'perfect', how could it be wrong? Was I just destined to end up in a never ending cycle of tiring of life, tearing things apart and starting over?
No. You'll be relieved to hear that was not my destiny.

I just had gotten everything I could out of the job I was doing, I needed variety and I needed to be motivated and inspired.
With that I began to look for a new job, it wasn't instant, in fact it took me almost a month, I finally came to the role. Within travel I find myself venturing now and both my wanderlust heart and my motivation have received the variety they needed.

It's been a transitional phase where I've gone from high to low and back again, except now I'm starting to feel like me, more like me than I've ever felt.
As with all transitional phases things can seep into the other aspects of ones being. My blogs have suffered, I grew weary of writing posts because I had to, I wanted to write again because it was something I loved to do, the last 24 hours has been the first time this year that i've truly put my heart into what I am writing, to the thoughts that are becoming words on the screen.

Things are changing, both blogs, how I feel and what inspires me, I am merely becoming the next version of myself and while I am not sure who that person entirely is, I do feel good for making the choices I did in the past month and putting myself first for a while.

It wasn't instant but new dreams are starting to form and while I have my previous list all ticked, I am working hard to maintain the aspects that bring me true happiness.
My words to you, this Sunday would be don't worry if you don't completely know what it is your after, because you know what, just enjoy the day that's in front of you. The answers will appear when you least expect them.

For me, the things I thought I wanted at 16 are a world away from the things I actually feel passionate about now.

I don't have a point by point plan of my next chapter but I know today that is has begun and that this chapter is me, the things I'm going to do and the people I'm going to spend my time with.
It isn't what I thought or dreamed it was going to be, but you know what I actually prefer that. It's more real.

I like that I don't know exactly what's going to happen because it also means that anything is possible.

Love passionately, Travel often, Dream big, Live honestly

LOVE&PEACE

KG

A NOTE ABOUT LOVE

Spring is my favourite time of year, everything is blooming, the world is greener, prettier and more alive than the cold winter nights it has been used to. I was born in Spring and always feel more rejuvenated and inspired in those waking days, as though the long summer days to come will bring with them all my dreams, as though anything and everything is possible.

This spring in particular sees me celebrate meeting and sharing my life with my best friend for two years, a lot of our friends are getting married, engaged and starting to make lifelong commitments to each other, with my calendar full of save the dates, I began to wonder about what saying yes to someone for the rest of your life might feel like.

I'm definitely on the fence when it comes to marriage, my parents have been happily married for almost thirty years, I certainly love the idea of giving my whole self to 'the one' and in return knowing they too are giving me themselves.

I like to think that one day I might share that with someone, I definitely feel in love enough to make that commitment, but will I feel that way for the rest of my life? I'm not the same person I was five years ago, I'm not the same person I was two years ago, so how am I supposed to know that the person I am in love with now, will be the person I will be in love with in half my lifetime again? 

I'm not being incredibly insensitive here, I would ask that of him, how he knows that I am the person he will love in half his lifetime to come. People say 'you just know'. So I was led to believe that if I didn't just know, that it meant it wasn't meant to be? No. I have no idea who I'll be in twenty years time, I have no idea who I'll be in two years time, but when I think about life and sharing it, because to me, sharing my life with my best friend is important, I know that not sharing my life with that person is not an option.

I'm left with this resonating feeling, that feels like a true bond, that isn't all definitely's, just like when we first me we didn't know that we would end up here. That resonating sound is happiness, it's the knowing that I do want that person in my life and that right now yes I would make that commitment to them.

Just like that I feel as though I've become an adult. I'm willing to give half of my life to someone else. It doesn't mean I have too. 

So if you're like me and surrounded by a world of brides and weddings, it doesn't mean you're in any kind of rush, I'm a real believer that when the moment is right, life happens. That when you search for it, it becomes ever more hidden. 

So my answer yes I love my best friend with the light of the moon, I would protect him with the burning passion of a thousand suns, but that doesn't mean I have to stop living, stop breathing. For the first time in my life, I feel like a woman, I feel free and as though everything I've ever dreamed could be possible, I know in my heart right now, that though I want to share my life with him, I also don't want to give up on myself.

That's where I realized something very spectacular, that my best friend, doesn't make me feel like I'm giving up on myself, he's often the one behind me as I stare over the cliff-edge willing me to take the dive to the ocean below. When I leap and I hit the rocks, he carries me, he builds my strength up until I'm strong enough to take the leap again.

If you make someone your everything, you stand to lose it all, but if you balance it right, you can have it all.

He makes me feel like I am home, it's all very well being off round the globe, but you have to come back to somewhere. Shouldn't that somewhere feel like home?

I don't know where I will be two years from now, but I hope that he will still be part of it, sharing in my adventure and I in his.

The same goes for friendship, something that put me off marriage, was the hens. The hen party, the bridesmaids. I don't have a big group of female friends, in fact I have very few female friends. I tend to find that I get along better with guys, their girlfriends make up the majority of my female companions.

Every now and then I meet a girl and we click, it's beautiful, but we're so like-minded that she ends up back on the road and I'm lucky if I see her once a year. So I have a wonderful online connection to my closest girl friends, but they reach the farthest corners of the globe. 

I wondered 'wait, I can't get proposed to, I don't have any bridesmaids' that's a total lie, I could call upon the best girls in the world, right now bridesmaids and proposals are on my thoughts, because I only have to log on to social media to be reminded of it, but actually I feel as though I'm running towards the highest cliff top I'll ever leap from and were there a gold ring around my finger, I may be to heavy to even take the leap at all. I wasn't looking for love when I found it, when we are quiet with our words and minds, the heart can truly speak.

WANDERLUST KING

I was walking a couple of mornings ago, the cold fresh morning air cut through me like ice shards and as I watched my breath appear like dragon smoke around me, I looked up to the sky to see a perfectly formed plane cloud trail; frozen still, as if it had been imprinted perfectly in the sky at that exact moment I looked up, for the exact purpose that it would begin a thought process that would last the rest of the day.

I started to think, that perhaps the world rolled out around me as I went around my business, that perhaps the moment I left a room, that room ceased to be. Except we all know this is isn't so, because for every moment that I live and breath some one else is living and breathing the same air I do, staring at the same sky and wondering the same things as I.

I've always felt an affinity to the Earth, I grew up surrounded by rolling hills, rivers and streams that flowed freely through the land, even now I live by the ocean and find perfect peace from just staring out to the far reaches of the globe from the shore, even on the grayest of days.

I began to look at the cloud trail in the sky that had already begun to dissolve into nothing, in an hours time there would be no trace it had ever even existed, except I knew it had. 

Of course that plane wasn't flying that route for my benefit, but I had witnessed it, I considered all the people aboard that plane, where they may be travelling to, or from. Just like that, it hit me as though a shard of ice had pierced right through my heart, I wanted to be on that plane, not just that plane, any plane, a boat, hell even a train, just to feel the earth moving beneath me, to be on the road.

Wanderlust had struck. I've never been one to sit still, I move a lot, I've come to feel as though the road is my true home, Malvern the place I was born will always be where I call home, but I find with each passing year that it feels like a memory from a past life. When I tread on it's concrete it feels like I'm walking through old photographs, that's more or less what every place feels like to me. 

Home tends to be where I'm living at the moment, home is my friends, my family, the things that bring me peace, comfort and excitement.

I've had more jobs than most of the people I went to college with, I've walked more steps than I care to remember and I feel as though I've lived three lifetimes or more. People call it irresponsible, a defect for having no desire to settle down, but it's in my heart, that I couldn't be in one place for all time because each passing day is all I have, there's so much to see, to experience, to learn.

After all, the countries though separated by oceans are all joined to make one planet, the people though many strangers, are joined by life force as one community, so I see the Earth as my home, the road as my compass. The sun is my breath, the moon is my spirit.

With every day, month and year that I gather in my journal, I feel like a wine that tastes sweeter with age, I feel as though I'm getting better with age, I was so unsure of the world a few years ago, I was so scared to make any real leaps into the blue, these days it's almost a hidden driving force, I have no real plans for the future, I have an idea of the things I'd like to do, but mostly I'm just going to keep dancing to the beat of my own drum.

The way I see it, what people think of me, shouldn't bother me, it shouldn't sway me, it shouldn't stop me. I'm simply a tiny ball of energy, spinning on one hell of a ball of energy that's spinning so fast it appears still, that's spinning through the solar system, that's expanding through the universe and those things are incredibly huge, and I am incredibly tiny in comparison, but no less real.

I wanted passion, so I chased it, I wanted comfort so I chased it, I want to live, so I'm chasing it.

However you look at life, whoever you have in life, I urge you to close your eyes, clear your mind and picture living, what does it look like?

If it doesn't look like what's around you when you open your eyes, then my advice would be really open your eyes to see what's around you, maybe not immediately, but what's beyond the walls, beyond the town limits, beyond the fields, hills and oceans, what makes your heart thump, what takes your breath away, what makes your spirit happy?

LOVE & PEACE

MAKING CHANGES

It's the night before the night before Christmas and the wind is howling outside my newly acquired apartment; I am in a contemplative mood. For Rob and I moved out almost a month ago now, him from a shared place and me from hotel mum and dad. 

Don't get me wrong, I loved living at home, I just, well like many people in their mid-twenties I just really needed a space of my own. 

There's been some advantages (me-space, staying up and doing what I like) and disadvantages (I've never cleaned so much, washed up so much stuff) and some entirely new experiences (I never thought I'd care if the rug was slightly as quiff!) Generally I feel happy, I feel peaceful. It has got me thinking about my lifestyle in general. At college I lived with what I had, at uni I spent lots a lot of the time, now I live to my means, which are by no means great or vast. 

I get by.

Recently I've found pleasures in making things, recycling things and being generally more eco-friendly.

No this is isn't a rant of a post, I'm not going to tell you how you should live. This is just me personally. I've never been one for wanting of riches, mansions and expensive cars. I'd rather live in a tree house and watch the stars every night, eating wild berries and wander round barefoot.

Maybe one day I will.

Generally running water, heating and somewhere to keep food fresh are also important on my living needs; so we found ourselves a beautiful two bedroom apartment. It's perfect for the two of us and seeing as that's how we intend our lives to stay for a while (at least) it feels like the perfect little home. 

I wanted a first floor place as I like to feel close to the stars. Rob wanted a garden to spend time in, in the summer. If you'd told me two months ago we'd have found our perfect place with both of those things checked, I'd not have believed you.

It's close to the near town and only a ferry trip from the nearest city. 

I decided that this little space, it's perfect for a variety of reasons. It's small so I don't feel lost in a huge space I'll never use. It's affordable for living and heating and it doesn't take me an entire day to clean it. (Despite the fact I've developed a need to constantly clean.)

I wanted to go further than not having too much space, than keeping utilities low (ish), I wanted to create a cosy, comfortable, welcoming home whilst remaining economically friendly.

I've taken to recycling glass jars and using them for flower pots, candle holders, potpourri holders, utensil holders and general storage of foods.

We've been lucky to be given pre-loved blankets, pillows, cushions and throws, it's only awakened the pleasure of treasure hunting in thrift/charity stores. 

I've decided for 2015 I'm going to post about my DIY/ Recycling moments, my treasure hunts and my little home. It's my way of actively pursuing a more eco-friendly lifestyle. Since we've been  recycling goods, we've used less rubbish, we've not bought much stuff at all and it feels like the start of a wonderful adventure. 

One of my resolutions for 2015 is to purchase only things of need new, everything else shall be pre-loved, recycled, thrifted or handmade. I aim to support local business', independent business' and create as much myself as I can.

I'm also on the lookout for ideas and inspiration, do you live to only your means? Do you have great tips for recycling, thrifting or even creating things for you and your home? Perhaps you know of a blogger or someone who does; feel free to leave a comment with their or your link. I'm certainly keen to chat more about this with like minded people. 

LOVE & PEACE

KG

LITTLEBEARWOLFCOVE

LET IT BURN

  Sometimes it takes your saddest, longest or hardest day to date to make you realise just who you are and what you are going to do with the time that has been given to you.

  For me it was a series of small incidents and challenges that led me to today. To realising that beyond all else, it is my time, and only I can truly affect what happens with it.

The fire in my heart burns stronger than ever before and I do not see aging as something of a weakness. I have lived a mere twenty-six years, that is but a blink to the universe and I am but a speck of dust to the cosmos, but that is not going to stop me from living the greatest adventure I have ever embarked upon - to live.

  We become so involved within our box that we lose all hope and sight of anything that is not ultimately graspable in the present moment. We focus all our aspirations and dreams on something that is always yet to happen, while we let the moments of now, the only ones we have the impact to change, slip us by.

  I too did this, almost two years ago I started a blog, it changed my entire direction and outlook on life. Suddenly the impossible did not seem so impossible. Yet like so many others, I recently found myself in a rut, not because I no longer enjoyed what I did, not because I wasn't passionate, simply because all of a sudden I was so focused on the future that I had begun to completely neglect the present, in order to not end up in the past. Yet my own actions led me to a fragile situation emotionally that was bringing me ever closer to the past. 

  I had to put the future out of my head, it was the only way to escape the past. The present is the only time I have to make any difference to my being, my adventure, my journey.

 I didn't know three years ago that I would be not working in retail management, I did not know a year ago that I would be living in my own place. I do not know what I will be doing or how I will be spending my time a year from now. So all I can really do is use the current moment and fire in my heart to further drive my passion and time in one direction.

 What do you want to be when you grow up? Alive. Free. Passionate. Happy. Peaceful. 

How do you want to be when you grow up? Compassionate, Personable. Creative. Innovative. Loved.

Who do you want to be when you grow up? An ever developing, exploring version of me.

  I do not want my career, way of life, personal life or choices to define who I am in one word or sentence; because it is together this cocktail of parts make up me as a person and I decide how to act, how to spend my time on what I do, where I do it and with whom I do it.

  Sometimes that fire that burns will dampen and it will require oxygen to help it breathe, it will require heat from others to warm it, mostly it will require fuel to keep it burning. 

  Humans are beautiful machines of science that before we even say a word or lift a finger have more than a hundred thousand actions happening at once, that we are neither aware of nor can we control. 

We live on a planet that spins at millions of miles a second around a burning ball of gas, where magic is created in movies, music & art, mountains rise above oceans and where in the darkness of night a billion trillions stars appear like fairy lights in a darkened room. 

Yet we focus so much of our energy on what we do, what we earn, where we live and how as a community and society we approach events, government and life. That we forget all of those beautiful things and become consumed by the 'real world' which is but a mere aspect of the world in which we exist.

I realise that my biggest struggle in my twenties has been coming to terms with the world we live in and the world in which we exist. How two components can be so far apart yet joined completely. Am I supposed to join the rat race and live comfortably or am I supposed to wander barefoot along the shores of freedom from humanity.

Can you ever truly exist and be part of both?

I decided that it is my time and I will do with it as I please. There is no written answers, no book, manuscript or government that has all the answers, that knows the truth, the answers to life.

It's like when you make a search on the web. 90% of the matches will be unhelpful to the answer, site or object you seek. Yet that 10% that you untangle from the web of responses will be what you're looking for. 

In life it is down to us to each retreat to our own mind palace and find the match we seek that will strike that kindling and start the fire. Untangle what you know to be false or unnecessary and keep only that which matters.

I know where I have been, I don't know where I will go, I know where I am.

Not all those who wander are lost. 

Do all that you can with the time that has been given to you.

Be fearless, compassionate and above all else refuse to give in to normality, conformity and a life that would suffocate you.

Those who provide me with inspiration are simply humans, humans that above all else are curious, extraordinary and refusing to accept that cards they are dealt will rule their life.

Living is the hardest thing you will have to do. It will also be the single greatest thing you ever do.

LOVE & PEACE

KG

LITTLEBEARWOLFCOVE

RUN TO THE HILLS

If you follow my Twitter account (@littlebearwolf ) you will have seen that I have been moving this week. Now I have moved a whole bunch of times in previous years, but never fully leaving my parents home, never with any degree of permanence.
So this move has been stressful like any other, with the added notion that this is with a degree of permanence. That the boyfriend I am moving in with, will be not only be the person I share the next year with but it will all be in our own space.

I am incredibly happy about that, sharing a space with the person I love most in this world is an incredible feeling. Knowing that my best friend will be there in the morning and in the evening. However this being the same year I also decided to take all of my work freelance and within the realm of the subjects in which I am passionate about.
That is sure enough, enough to make anyone queasy. You don't want to give up your work because you love it, you don't want to pass up living with the person that you love either.
So is it possible? To have a job you enjoy, a nice place to live and be comfortable? I guess that comes down to us each individually.

I've never been a millionaire or extremely wealthy so I don't really know what it's like to live in luxury constantly, I do know that growing up in a humble household has made me appreciate what I have. That with even very little you can be very comfortable.

Maybe my place of residence isn't exactly your idea of heaven but it's not you that has to live there. I've only been moved in two days but I feel already at home. It's not fully furnished, i'm not used to living away from my family, I've been feeling somewhat fragile. I realise it's the fear.

Over a year and a half ago was the last time I had anything that resembled a 'picturesque life' and I ended all those things to go in chase of something I was passionate about. Less than a year and a half later it has brought me close to my best friend in the entire world, it's brought me to my own living space with that person and it's brought me to not only working for a company that I completely believe in but also to have started my own company and be working on several projects.

It's been a roller-coaster and there have been some incredible ups and the lowest of low's. I've not seen my hardest day yet, I've not had my happiest. I've got one hell of a story to tell.
If you'd told me in Feb 2013 that in November 2014 my life would be what it is, I wouldn't have believed you.
Yet here we are.

I am strong in nature but there are things that scare me, that test me and that send me running in the opposite direction, yet I am still here. I haven't given in. I won't give in. Where I may have walked before, this is my passion, my drive and everything I want.

Be able to admit when you have made a mistake, look after yourself and the things that capture your heart. If you're struggling, ask for help. If you're tired take a break. Mostly appreciate that we are just cosmic dust spinning in the universe and if something ultimately is right, things will work themselves out, working yourself up will get you nowhere.

Life isn't perfect. We aren't perfect. Sometime we will fall. It's getting back up and walking again that helps to carry on.

My troubles seem pointless to a person starved of clean water or attacked for their orientation or gender. Yet they are important to me.
So remember you never know what other people are facing and you never know what anyone else is going through. So be a friend. Let people be your friend, don't face troubling times alone, it won't help you in the long run, if you have people around you who are willing to help. Let them.

As 2014 draws to a close, I have never felt like a more clear version of me. Even on the bad days. There are things to be improved, sure. There are things to work toward, sure. Generally I've never felt happier or more passionate about things.

My advice to you before the mad, panic and rush of Christmas begins, is take a moment to look at yourself, are you happy with what you have done with your time. Are you happy that you have given it your all?

2014 has been my most challenging year to date, it's also been my most exciting and happy. No one ever said life would be easy. It is what we make of it.

Take care of yourselves this winter and remember to take a moment to breathe.

I try to focus on the good in my life. The fact that I work for a studio I love, with people and musicians I admire, I have a best friend who stands by me no matter what and I get to now go home to him each night.

I no longer look to the hills that surround the town I grew up in, for this is my home now. This is where my journey is leading me.



KG
LITTLEBEARWOLFCOVE

DANGEROUS IS THE NIGHT

It's 4:54am on Monday morning. My eyes are a little sore and my ear and jaw ache, I find myself awake at this un-Earthly time. The rest of the world seems to be asleep, blissfully dreaming, while I wake with the storm that rages ever on.

Like the thoughts that formed my dreams this evening gone, the rolling thunder and flashes of light tormented my sleepless soul until I found myself here; writing from the dim but pleasant lights that surround my window and walls. 

While I listen to Tchaikovsky and wonder whether he ever dreamed that years later people would come to him on their sleepless nights, hoping that in some way the notes of his symphony would calm their minds and steady their thoughts.

I smell the lightly fragranced air from the incense that burns on my bedside table and I sit here writing, my fingers like miniature ballet dancers, dancing their way across the keys as if every note of the music is a choreographed step in their routine.

I feel peaceful, I try to not think of the day that will shortly be upon me and instead focus on the soft notes of the music while I chomp on breakfast biscuits and I realise that all my dreams this past night were simply fear formulating in my mind and catching me at my most vulnerable.

Dreams are interpreted differently by many and while I tend not to think of their meanings too much or wonder whether they are in fact just subconscious rumblings from a deeper mindset; I do find myself a victim of my own sleep pattern. Occasionally these dreams appear and they are more half dreams, I can't really see them, it's not like a dream where I am awake in another time or place, i'm very much aware of the fact I am in my bed and I am resting when these scenes befall me.

Tonight's was a recurring theme, of being left alone. 

That as if for some reason out of nowhere my family, friends and boyfriend may abandon me and I will find myself forever alone, except that isn't really something to be afraid of. For if that were to happen for whatever reason, you'd go on to make new friends, even if that wasn't immediate, being in your own skin by yourself is not necessarily a bad thing.

Obviously as social creatures we can become quite disconnected from society if we are exposed to too much time alone, a little time alone, I think that's healthy.

I am someone who doesn't often like being alone with her thoughts, recently I have found myself in a position where I am alone quite often. I work alone, though with others more often than not my work is done by myself.

Working a couple of different jobs that though all align under one state of career means I have irregular hours which is fine for me as I find working my own hours is well suited for a girl who has always danced to the beat of her own drum.

It does however make spending time with any friends local enough to meet in person difficult, it has resulted in the majority of my friendships existing online and in occasional get together's, again this is only more noticeable for the fact that I spend the majority of my week on my own.

My best friend and I both work in creative industries so time is not something we often find on our side, we spend days apart, long nights when you are lonely and miss your best friend. We make time for each other and there are times when that is a very simple process and times when it inevitably causes friction; it's those times when we just have to be understanding of one another and look past whatever fleeting feelings of worry or temptation there may be.

We live in a world with a society that is more connected than ever, like invisible cords that keep us permanently attached to the matrix, yet sometimes I wonder whether it would be better to sever those cords and stop this machine from bleeding us dry of any life or real connection.

Working in online industries has given me a true value for real life connections and relationships. This is where I find myself battling my own demons.

With a lifestyle that has resulted in fleeting coffee meets, online friendships with friends who now live all over the globe since leaving college, uni and finding their own pieces of happiness, I do find myself sometimes feeling a little detached from the rest of my generation and humanity.

While this alone time I find myself in does bring out my fear of being alone, it also has given me time to enjoy my own company, to not feel the need to be with someone at all times, to understand more in life, learn more, feel more and think more. 

So I would say to you, whatever time it is where you are, wherever you find yourself at this present moment in which you are reading this post. You are not alone, even if you feel completely alone, you are not. There is a whole world of people out here, many of us feeling much the same way.

So go out, go to a bar, go to a restaurant, have coffee by yourself, read a book, learn a language, follow whatever strikes your heart with a burning passion of fire, I find the longer I am in my own time, I am less afraid of being alone and more determined not to end up alone.

I appreciate my personal time and know the importance of having companionship in life, if the people in your immediate life cannot be with you, then seek outside of your circle, connect with others with a similar interest, because if my faith in humanity could ever be restored, it is that I have come to find that in our greatest times of need, it is often the people we would never expect that bring us the greatest amount of joy.

From one sleepless soul to whoever you are, wherever you are, take today with the might of a dragon, soar above the clouds and let nothing stand in your way.

LOVE&PEACE

KG

Sun and stars, moon of my life

Is this not the time, is this not the place? Time is all you have

The phrase no man is an island has been on my mind a lot recently, I've been thinking today how strange and beautiful the world is. The truth is, it dulls out the noise of the things that trouble me; when I see pouring rain over the ocean, forests of trees with wild rivers and mountains that look like stairways to the sky, I feel calm.

There will come a day when the stars fall from heaven, all except seven, I'm seated on horse with my face toward Taurus and i'm travellin'

I've always danced to the beat of my own drum, I've never been one for too much convention or society. The older I get the more I feel as though I'm a nomad, no set home, simply chapters taken from an adventure, one at a time carefully placed before me to write.

Great spirit, I have had it, bring me back to the nomadic

A friend once said 'it's nice to have somewhere to come back to' and while that's true to an extent, I don't believe that it needs to be only one place. I grew up in a different place than I live now, I have moved away, I have moved back. More than one place feel like home to me. I've always sat on the outside of my friendships, as though I'm stumbling just a step behind the rest of my world, my generation. Like the words they understand don't always make sense to me.

He's got me talking in my sleep, he's got me waking in my dreams...

I've always been a wandering spirit, when the time feels right I move on. Except the older we get the harder that seems to be. We find ourselves committed with a group of friends and family and work that if we were to keep wondering we may lose forever. Yet there's always a part of me that's ready for the road, that if given the chance I would step out of that door and not turn back.

For a while that's had me feeling like a fraud, like i'm lying to everyone around me when I say i'm settled. Except it's not a lie. I am very settled, my life does feel settled and centered full of people that inspire me and are creative and like minded.

The only way I can describe it, is as though I have two lives; I have the career, friends, home life and I have the nomadic wanderer life, most of the time I am the first so it feels difficult when the latter starts making me feel like I want to pack my bag and make a break for it.

Wake the dreams into realities... the language of no words is how we speak...and a littlebear singin' by the fireside...

The truth is, that if you make someone or something your everything than you always stand to lose it, if you can accept that things never stay the same, they grow, they may develop or they may end than you feel less likely to lose everything. I've come to realise that the nomad is LITTLEBEARWOLF. It's that little voice that said, I dare you. Start a blog, write something, write anything. Take those things you love and make them real. It's the little part of me, that stops me feeling as though my world will fall apart. It's the little part of me that when everything else is dark, shines bright in the sky like the moon and calms my spirit.

Tap me out and tap me into you, heal my brain and my body too, balance my chemistry, hydrate these cells, because the body talks and meditation helps

It's part of me, so while no man is an island, not all those who wonder are lost.

When I have those times that feel as though I only want to be out there in the world somewhere walking through a city or a forest, I don't feel guilty. It's simply my own way of saying keep going, keep learning, keep exploring, it's not the end yet.

I've noticed that when I am happy and things are good, I don't so much feel as though I want to leave, it's when things are difficult and the road seems dark that I realise I want to be out there, over the hills anywhere but here. That's when I know it's more important than ever to think about where I am standing and what direction I am facing. That being said sometimes a good old wander is the only way to clear your thoughts.

Nahko and Medicine for the people are a tribe, a tribe that though I've never met them, I feel part of them. Their words, their songs and their lives bring me peace, bring me healing and bring me light. Today though it's been dark i've felt as though I've had a friend by my side, I realise that's medicine for the people.

Little bit of cinnamon pours as we snoot, all up on my shit in the morning commute...

Our planet is our home, it's our only home amongst the vast expanse of space. We make her sick, we bleed her dry, we smother her atmosphere with pollutants and we aren't much better towards even those closest to us. I've decided to free my wandering spirit, let her roam the world as she pleases. Medicine for the people is the healing I needed in my life and I hope through the universal language of music it will be yours.

Great spirit for my sisters, let me be a flowing river, flood the banks, the rocks that bind her, carry I'll carry, great spirit for my brothers, let me be a mountain under which he climbs to discover his process now that's progress.

LOVE&PEACE

KG

A DATE WITH DESTINY, I'M YOUR DENSITY

As I stepped out into the bright light of the mid morning sun, I was struck by the chill that wrapped itself around my hair, neck and down into my lungs as I took a deep breath.

The cool air whipped my hair across my face and round my head as I walked, leaves swirled around the air, they were brown and decaying, Autumns final stand against the onset of the coming long winter.

I set off south east, it occurred to me that I always made a mental note of which direction I was heading.

'You step into the Road, and if you don't keep your feet, there is no knowing where you might be swept off to'. A quote from Lord of The Rings, no matter if i'm walking with purpose, to clear my mind or for pleasure, I often find that quote moored gently in the ocean of thoughts.

I continued on my path, past the semi-detached suburban houses of the town in which I'd come to call home and onwards over the hill towards the winding road I take to the studio; when an image begun to present itself in my mind.

I couldn't tell you what brought it hurtling up from the depths of my mind, perhaps a subconscious thought had put wind in it's sails or perhaps I'd noticed a car, a scent something that brought me back to December 2012. 

It was my darkest time. Life was simple, pleasant even. I had everything a nice life ought to have in it, I had my struggles but they weren't spoken of and life had continued up to that moment in a nice manner for about a year, since I had made my escape back to Hampshire. 

If it was nice, how was it so dark? Because I began to live a separate life. My reality was conventional and while I smiled on the outside, I screamed and rattled on the inside. Where was the passion, the romance, the art, the adventure? I'm a free-spirited soul and I need to be able to wander when the urge arises. I thought of that bright eyed 18 year old heading off into the world. If only she knew of the trials and choices that lay ahead.

I don't regret my past, I've learnt a lot and had I not been through trying times, I would never have found the courage to make a break for it, I may have settled for conventional long ago even. Changing your past may not change your future. I don't think our lives are pre-determined, I think we hold fate in our hands but we don't always have the power to control it, if ever.

I'd already decided after months of reading blogs and finding my own style and myself again that I would make 2013 the year of change. Little did I know how much.

I made resolutions that I broke almost as soon as I had made them, I settled back into a life of comfort after the festive season however something was alive, something had been woken and though it only moved in the shadows, at the darkest times of the night, I could feel fire starting to spread and it wasn't settling for nice.

I started a blog, I wrote about a handful of fashion posts but it didn't really bring me anything, I didn't feel fulfilled. I logged out thinking, well that's that. My friend invited me to see a band play, her boyfriend was supporting them.

We went along, we bought a coke and supped it as Adam* played his acoustic songs. I felt myself drawn away from the stage, there were a group of lads sitting in the corner, just guys but I felt as though I couldn't take my eyes off them. They looked seemingly regular, they didn't smile when they looked over, they barely seemed to notice anyone else in the room even.

Adam finished his set and came to join us, we had got into such a deep conversation that we hadn't heard the band start. As the guitar rung out across the noisy pub, my attention shifted and as I stared over to the stage, the rest of the room seemed to fall away.

It was the boys from the corner, the guitar was like a friend calling from an old life, as I listened to the songs I felt giddy. It wasn't a crush on the band per se, it was the music. It was like hearing an old language being brought to life.

After the set was done, we headed home. I didn't speak with the band but I knew I would have to check them out again sometime.

A couple of months passed, it was now the end of February, Adam had joined the band from the pub and my friend invited me to their first gig together. I was excited, it felt naughty. It felt dangerous. My nice life wouldn't make room for live music and gigs in old run down pubs, to me it was the greatest freedom I had known in a long time. It was like meeting my 18 year old self over again, except she was no longer naive.

I went to see the band more and more, as the days turned into weeks, I would go round and we would drink, smoke and listen to old vinyls. I loved their dingy flat, that smelt of incense, it was like going back to an old life, my heart used to sink when I knew I had to leave.

It was never feelings toward the boys, it was the lifestyle. The freedom.

I worked with them on my blog and I worked relentlessly trying to help push their music, though things fell through and the situation turned sour, I don't feel sadness. Our paths crossed but were never meant to intertwine for long. They brought the fire in me to life, they gave me a glimpse of a life I had known but hadn't had the chance to live and despite the end of our friendship, they led me to freedom away from the world of convention.

In the last days of our friendship, I began heading to gigs, any gigs, all gigs. I craved the dark rooms, the smell of beer and incense tainted in the musky air that hung in the venues, the bright light from the stage as figures emerged, their sound emanating out into the room. I felt like Lestat feeding after sleeping for hundreds of years. Live music had been my biggest passion as a teen and my early twenties saw me shun that and become lost in reality. Surrounding myself with live music felt like walking for the first time, I was unsure of where I would end up, or even if I would go anywhere, but I was doing it, I was involved, even if it were only watching and scrawling posts about it in the early hours that came after.

As my nice life came to a close and I began to chase the fleeting moments of passion, I knew it was my drug. The alive feeling I felt every-time I was around live music, around people who reminded me of modern day hippies, their art was their life, I clung to it; every moment I had to spend back in my day job was like an icicle in my heart. While my brain told me it was not sensible to leave a life of comfort to go in search of a dream that wasn't even clear, the fire in my heart only grew stronger, I've always acted with my heart, so I knew it was only a matter of time before my sensible side would lose.

I got in touch with an old friend from college who was in a band and threw the idea around of putting on a gig. We sat in my room and planned it, it was the most alive I had felt. When we weren't planning that gig I felt like I was on auto-pilot, like a mannequin waiting for the store to close so I could come to life.

A suggestion of a band she had supported was thrown around. We went down to a comedy club night at a local live music venue. I took another friend for moral support and under the smile I wore a nervous anxious feeling. I felt drawn to going that night, despite being tired and wanting to stay in.

As we entered the pub, we walked through to an entrance where we paid to get in and were shown in to a darkened room with chairs and a brightly lit stage.

My friend and I milled at the back of the room, shyly looking around taking in our surroundings. I felt oddly comfortable, ironic as that venue has now become a second home to me.

That was where I first met him. He was a tall figure, stood just in the shadow of a large alcove. He had styled hair and was dressed far smarter than anyone else in the room. He wore black jeans, slim fitting that showed his long legs, a shirt and a waistcoat. 

This is Rob from Melodramas, my friend introduced. Ahh I thought, you're the guy we want headlining our gig, polite and business manner for you then. 'Oh hello, it's lovely to meet you, my names KG'. He smiled at me with a sort of gleeful look that I didn't understand. 'Hi i'm Rob', he shook my hand.

That was all we really said. The night went on and we went our separate ways. His band were playing a gig a couple of weeks later, I thought it was the perfect opportunity to save my dying friendship with the band from before. A feature for Rob's band may interest them in playing my friend and I's gig.

I asked for three tickets and he said he'd meet me outside to give them to me in person. 

As I turned up with my friends he was sound checking but still polite enough to run outside with the tickets.

When they took to the stage, I was mesmerised. What had I just witnessed. Everything i'd been told, every word hadn't done the band justice. I was expecting good, I got breathtaking. Who were they? My friends chatted with a couple of the band, we then headed to the back of the room to see the headliner. Rob came over to chat and quickly after the band mates of mine decided they were leaving. I had to go with them. I said my goodbye's and thought nothing more.

Sam* said he loved Rob's amp, 'find out what one it is', wanting to please my friends I text Rob a polite message asking, while I sat at the flat and drank and smoked and listened to vinyl, I realized I hadn't paid much attention to my 'friends' as I had been messaging Rob back and every time a reply came through I'd smile as I read it.

Tired from the long nights and working full time, I went to my mums and was sat chatting with her when a message pinged up from Rob, he'd read my review and they liked it. We chatted a while longer about his band and music before he asked if I'd like to go for coffee the following day.

Aware of our dying friendship, I made it choice to pop by the boys flat in the morning to collect some things.

'You aren't going to go are you?' ' He's obviously interested in you' my 'friends' sneered as I said goodbye. 'I need to go to the shop. I'll walk down with you' said Sam* with an almost fierce tone. I didn't understand the hostility as though they'd had my full attention, they never seemed satisfied, and now, I was making new friends, they seemed almost sad I would leave them.

I met Rob and realized my nerves were butterflies, I shouldn't be excited about this. I wasn't looking for anything, I had all these plans I was formulating. Yet here he was sat opposite me and there we had been chatting for almost 2 hours before I became very aware of the fact we had been sat chatting for TWO HOURS. How had that happened?! 

It was like meeting a friend, someone from a past life and I felt safe. I almost didn't want to leave, but it scared me. It scared me how easily I could speak to him, how intently he listened to every word I spoke.

I made an excuse about being busy and we went our separate ways once more. Except we were involved now and as it happens, it was only a matter of time before we became very close indeed.

I no longer speak to any of the band from the start of that story. Without them, I wonder if i'd ever have met Rob.

It turns out I know some of his friends and have done for a very long time, it turns out I met some of his friends on rare occasions and that for a long time we were in adjoining circles in the same places, the same time and yet had never met. Yet now, when our circles had been the furthest they were from one another, we were thrust together and became the best of friends.

There aren't many people in the world I can be my whole self with, there aren't many people in the world I could spend a week straight with, but with Rob I can.

As I got to the top of the bridge, I looked across the horizon and thought, how extraordinary it was, yet so ordinary. All of the things that had happened over the past year and a half. How if even one thing had been different, that tale wouldn't have happened, yet here I am telling it.

The story of how awakening myself and meeting my best friend led me to the poorest, most stressful yet richest, most peaceful, happy time of my incredibly extraordinary ordinary life. As my friendship with Rob bloomed as did my creative flare for my blog. My blog became my home for that life of freedom, every time I posted it was like a brick built to make a wall, a room and a home for me in that new life.

I've been really stressed recently and taken more for granted than I should have done. While the winter storm rages on outside, I put my hand on the door to the studio and pull it open. I am greeted with the black and red walls. I am home. This studio has become my base, it's the hub for all music in the local area and the place I wish most to be. 

I can't help but smile every time I walk in. 'It seems like you never stop' a friend said. I laughed it off but realized after, I don't but I don't mind. That studio is my family, my friends and it means the world to me. My blog is my biggest treasure. It's my most valuable possession, it's my horcrux I never meant to make.

Every choice and decision from the last 18 months has led me to here. So I feel hope, that I've no idea what comes next but that forms the excitement. I had no idea two years ago my life would be this, so i'll not try to guess where or what I'll be two years from now.

I said to my mum when leaving my old life. I know what I need and it's not convention. I'm too much my mothers daughter. I'd rather be broke and passionate than wealthy and miserable.

There's no moral to the story because it's the never ending story of my life so far. Except that I no longer wish things were different, I no longer hope for better times or a life, everything I have right now is the key to my happiness. It's down to me to balance the equation and keep that moment happy. I try to live earnestly, passionately and see the beauty in everyday that I wake up to.

We all have the power to be whatever or whoever we choose. Our tales are all different. Try to see the beauty in even the smallest of life's occurrences. You never know when they may just become the most important things in your life.

Kudos if you get the second part of the post title. We gotta go back Marty, back where Doc? To the future!

30 FACTS ABOUT KG

  I love connecting with each of you and sharing music, fashion and various posts with you. I try to keep my personal life, well personal, but I understand that some of my readers and followers would like to know more about the girl behind the blog; so i'm going to do the 30 facts about me tag, hopefully that will help you all get to know me a little better.

I'll try to make it interesting, hopefully there's 30 things I can tell you about myself!

Feel free to share your links with the tag in the comments, it would be nice to know more about the people reading my blog and fellow bloggers.

1. I was named after Krystle Carrington, a character from a TV show named Dynasty. It aired throughout the 80's and my mum loved the show. 

*I had a huuuge crush on Orlando Bloom as a teen and his teen crush was Krystle Carrington!

2. I am 26 but most people mistake me for between 19-22, I never get offended when i'm asked for ID - only when it is refused! 

3. I grew up in a small countryside town called Malvern, then spent my teens living in nearby Worcester. I went to high school there and still miss it, even though i've not lived there in years.

4. My birthday is May 7, though it should have been two weeks later, I was premature as my mum took a fall down a spiral staircase. Eek.

5. Ancient ruins, old forests and the Jurassic coast are some of my favourite places to escape to, I love the history and the fact they remain untouched despite it being the 21st century.

6. Vintage maps, old books, vintage clothes and old photographs are some of my favourite things to collect, I like to feel everything has it's own character and story. I currently own four vintage geographical maps, a map of Westeros, a map of Tamriel and i'm after a map of Middle Earth to complete my collection.

7. Oh yes, I am a bit of a geek when it comes to fantasy. I love Tolkien, Pratchett and fantasy-adventure novels. *Apparently Tolkien stayed in Malvern while he was writing The Hobbit and some of his inspiration of The Shire comes from there, the gas lamps inspired C.S Lewis while he was writing the Narnia stories. I love Tim Burton films, anything to do with dragons and playing Skyrim - that's often where I'll escape to when I need to hide from the world.

8. I normally play Skyrim as a Nord Warrior and have great interest in Scandinavia, it's folklore, history and Native American lore and history.

9. My passion for Native American lore is what inspired my blog name, when I needed guidance in my life and a direction to follow, I came to create LITTLEBEARWOLF, since then it has remained my way to connect with the world and build my career.

10. I have Blue eyes, but they often turn a shade of Grey when I am sleepy or poorly and a Greenish colour in the summer months. This has led to a longstanding joke that I am part-faerie or mythical creature with my friends.

11. I am 5ft 3 which makes me fairly little in terms of people. However Buffy the vampire slayer is apparently also only 5ft 3.

12. My hair is naturally Blonde, though through my teens I dyed it almost every colour it would go. I have it lightened to a white blonde shade using toners at the moment, though I am considering letting my darker blonde grow out.

13. I don't really care for shoes and bags. I own only a handful of pairs of shoes and even less handbags. Right now i'm loving faux-fur lined walking boots and winter boots as well as one giant handbag. *I do a lot of walking so tend to pick practical items over things that look pretty and I only purchase them when I really need them. The sound of a thousand retailers and bloggers readying their pitchforks...

14. I do have an obsession with jewellery and treasure. I never buy expensive jewellery as I'm far too likely to break or lose it, so I have gathered a collection of costume jewellery in a variety of style but mostly mythical / historical inspired pieces and I have a collection of herb bottles, little stones and candles.

15. I did ballet, contemporary, jazz, street jazz and tap dancing classes and Michael Flatley's The Lord Of The Dance is my favourite dance show EVER. Second is Matthew Bourne's Swan Lake.

16. I love to cook, my signature dishes are a vegetable linguini for summer and a vegetable stew for winter. I am indeed vegetarian. 

17. Whilst studying at college, I did a Shakespeare course in drama at RADA, London. 

18. I almost always get cast as sweethearts or damsels in distress. Apart from when I played the angel Gabriel in a school production back in 1992.

19. I absolutely love huskies and wolves. Especially the ones with piercing blue eyes.

20. After first watching Star Wars as a kid, I would only wear brown or beige clothes and was determined I would be a Jedi when I was older. As I grew up I decided I would be an astronaut and after realising science and math were not my strengths, I turned to my creative side to be an actor. I am yet to play an astronaut or a Jedi.

21. Though I mostly studied performing arts, music is my biggest passion. Other subjects that interest me are ancient history, astronomy and alternative therapies like crystal healing, yoga, herbology and meditation.

22. I should probably have gone to school at Hogwarts instead of Blessed Edwards.

23. People tell me I remind them of Luna Lovegood, Daenerys Targaryen and Amanda Seyfried. I also often get asked if I am Swedish or Norwegian and sometimes Polish, though I do have some Scandinavian in my heritage and apparently something odd like 1/127 Spanish.

24. I absolutely love Dinosaurs and Dragons.

25. I know all 50 states (and state capitals) of the US, despite never having actually been to the USA!

26. My favorite actors are Steve Buscemi, Bruce Willis & Tom Hanks. Oh and I have a minor crush on Kit Harrington.

27. No matter even if you make me a small cup of coffee or tea, I will always leave a little at the bottom of the cup. This has led to the nickname two-sips as apparently I only take two sips before leaving the rest.

28. I don't really like sweets, chocolate or dessert, I do love savory scones, tea cakes and carrot cake.

29. This ones going to get me shunned from the blogger community buuuut I really don't get the Disney princess thing. Don't get me wrong, I'll watch the movies, I actually grew up watching them and enjoy them, but I really don't get the 'totes obsessed with princesses thing'.

30. I used to carry a small framed poster of Elijah Wood around, I even took it on holiday to Devon with my parents, then cried when my mum said I couldn't bring it to lunch. Awkward.

So there you have it, 30 things you never knew about me before.

LOVE & PEACE
♥☮
KG

Images / content belong to their respective owners.

LITTLEBEARWOLFCOVE © Krystal Gemma.

KG IN REAL LIFE

Okay, so there are always going to be subjects that on the whole, humanity will always use as a battlefield. I vowed never to blog about image, politics and social issues as it goes without saying that if you breathe life into a fire, it will only become stronger. I feel no need to add to the issues humanity creates for itself.
However, that being said I am breaking that vow tonight to share a post that has been whirring around my brain for the last few days. To the point that the thoughts have become so prominent and tangled amongst my being, that even the choices i'm making outside of the web-world I live in are being affected.

The subjects that have been on my mind touch on image and social issues. I don't know quite what everyone's deal with image is. How is focusing on someone else's image ever going to advance your own life. When you judge a person, it is not a reflection of their personality, but of your own.

So I'm not going to name call, name drop or stereotype. I'm simply going to share my opinion of the subject, in the vain hope that getting it off my chest will free my thoughts up to the subjects I actually feel extremely passionate towards and may at least help just one of you out of the dark.

I'm fairly little at 5'3. After a childhood of dancing, I have grown to develop a muscular, athletic build. After a childhood of being called bony, when I started to show a little curve in my late teens, I found a confidence boost. I used to look through catalogs and want to be a size 12, except these days I realise how futile that was, as what even is a size 12.
As no store, or even two items within a store represent a consistent sizing system, to refer to yourself as a particular size seems fairly ridiculous. Considering we live in a world where we want to be accepted regardless of race, gender, persuasion, look and career, to be so desperate to be defined as a number seems very odd.
I have clothes in my closet that range from age 14-15 through women's to a men's M. So if you'd like to waste your time working out what size that makes me, go ahead but I feel no need to converse or spare you my time.
My weight generally fluctuates over a stone difference depending on time of year, mood and phase of life and again if you're so desperate to judge me on my number than please understand I'll have nothing to do with you. For when you judge someone, you have no time to love them.
I'm very sorry if weight takes over your life and you feel trapped with the on-going battle you face, I've spent my life around someone with an eating disorder and I would never wish the suffering she struggles with on anyone. I hope that those around you, provide you with the support you need.
I bet you're beautiful, but my saying it won't make you feel it.
The same goes the other way, if you have curves and more as long as it's not detrimental to your health, who gives a flying f*** what 'people' think. As long as you're comfortable and feel good, than that's really all that matters.
I have times when I feel great and times when I think 'okay need to be a bit careful and look after myself now', but ultimately I don't regard anyone's opinion but my own of my image. At the end of the day, no one else needs to be me, if you're having to figure out my flaws to improve your own confidence, honey something's fundamentally wrong.
Gok Wan (who may I add that a (and if you're reading this by some magic enchantment Gok, I totally respect you and highly revere what you do for the confidence of womankind but you are a) man and if we really need a man to show us how to love our bodies, something really is very wrong with us females. We go on about not needing no man, being some career driven, sexual goddess with the perfect winged eyeliner who also is allowed to be Bridget Jones; yet we tear ourselves apart looking in the mirror and we tear each other apart (which is more savage than THAT red wedding).
In a world where no two humans (even twins) look EXACTLY the same or have the same passions, why do we allow ourselves to be stereotyped into a shape or number from a system that's older than the women adhering to it.
I appreciate all of the females I see and no offence but I couldn't care less what size you are or how you dress, as long as your not endangering your health. I have far bigger things to be focusing on. For one this ball of rock that's hurtling through space at 4966856523434 miles an hour round a HUGE burning ball of gas and I'm supposed to be worried that I've put a pound on?! I'm more interested in learning how something as small as an atom can create this, the world as we know it and why I am afraid of spiders when I am 454564562453453 times bigger than (most) of them.
As far as my own perception of image goes, I try to treat my body like a temple, I try to eat healthily and enjoy things in moderation. I won't starve myself to fit into something, I'll simply buy it a little larger. (Given that we live in an economy that needs throw away fashion to survive (if it's made to last, you won't buy more) than I highly doubt that the sizes are fair anyway.)
All i'm saying is the media is made up of people, people who are told to write bullshit stories about image, 'celebrities' and size by other people. They are no more powerful than you or I, except you have the power and the choice to not read the bullshit they feed you. For every detrimental article, there is one that builds confidence.
So please see your beauty because you really are one of a kind and there will never be another like you.

That's enough, let's look now at the other harbinger of doom on my thoughts. Social Media. We thrive on it, as bloggers we use it as a tool to gain traffic, share our posts and build our profile.
People get so torn up over it. If you're really concerned over how many followers or 'friends' you have, I'd suggest delete your profile because you're not using it right.
I have over a hundred 'friends' on social media, yet less than 5 that I would call if my life depended on it, I'm fully aware of that fact and it doesn't bother me.
I have a handful of people that I trust and love unconditionally and everyone else is simply a pleasure to know. There is no room for jerks.
I don't blog because I want to be famous. I blog because I LOVE writing, sharing and music. When I had no experience or a career to speak of, it became my tool to work towards the dream career. I don't really know what that is, I'm just enjoying the journey for now.

Fame and fortune are dangerous cards to ask for. Your'e giving away the one important thing -anonymity. For money that won't buy you happiness or the answers. For fame, people presume they own you, people presume they have a right to discuss, spit on and glorify your personal life. They begin to live their lives how you would live yours, which isn't what the aim is, you're hoping to inspire people to be confident in themselves.

To be well known for your art, is slightly different. To me celebrities are not to be envied. Artists, doctors, scientists, professors, people with exceptional talent and character, these are the respected people. The people to be inspired by.

I don't blog in the hope that I'll be surrounded by fans of screaming people who aspire to be me. I blog in the hope that one person reading it may listen to the band I have shared, or that they may find some confidence or inspiration from my words. If through doing that, I end up being known for my blog than okay, I'll have some bridges to cross and hurdles to jump. I don't do what I do for fame or freebies, I do it because it's what I am passionate about. If that changes than I'll do something else. I'll tell you something for free, I'll never let people's opinion affect me, because as long as I know I have done the right thing, been a good person and feel happy in myself than their hurtful words and rumors mean nothing.

If you have nothing nice to say, say nothing at all.

This world is full of beauty, passion, people and life. Yet we so often focus on trouble, misery and people that we don't live, we exist. Understand that just because one person says a thing does not mean it has to be that way for you. Only you know how you feel and you are different, incredible and have your own story to tell.
I write because that is what I do best, I have friends who are nurses, teachers and scientists. Without them the world would fall apart, if we were all artists, writers and musicians, where would the world be?
You might not like writing but feel that if you aren't a blogger you aren't cool. That's not the case, you might be the person to cure cancer, you might be a mother or father to the worlds next man to walk on the moon, or woman. There's no knowing of what you might achieve.

Blogging is my life, it's how I found my way into working in the music industry. Every message of praise or offer of work is an honour and I can't help but smile, but all I'm looking for, is to keep doing what I love and live my life. Maybe five years from now I won't even blog (though that thought saddens me) I can't help but wonder what new adventure I might be treading.
All i'm trying to say is that we each are who we are. Fame and fortune don't necessarily bring happiness and peace. Be you, stand out and be different.

Maybe you hate your part time job, but if it provides you with the funds to go trail-walking at weekends or pays for your kids dance classes or provides you money to use on creating and running a blog, or doing things with loved ones than it's worth it. While asking if people want fries with that, or if they want to wear it now, may not feel like it, you may be the highlight of someones day.
While bloggers have helped me more than I could express in words, sometimes it's the server at the coffee shop, the smile of a bus driver and the hello from a passerby that makes me feel like carrying on.
Maybe people don't chase you down the street, maybe they don't ask for your autograph or photo but that doesn't mean they don't respect you.
Ultimately if you don't respect you, how will anyone else?

I hope you can understand my opinion, though I know some will disagree, none of this is meant in bias or to hurt another. I hope that for at least one of you reading this, it provides food for thought.

IT'S A BLOGGERS LIFE FOR ME

I put my heart into my music blog and it seems fair that I do the same with cove; the lifestyle, journal, fashion and beauty side of LBW. I decided to start a second blog when it was clear that the music aspect of my blog was it's central core. As the music progressed into more than reviews after a shift in the shop, I then found that the little corner of the web I had created for myself, after months of reading BeckyBedbug, EffiesMakeUpBox & NotSoCity (back then Jennie Masters) those three girls without even knowing it saved my life. was no longer a place for ramblings, I decided to create a separate space on the web for that side of my writing.

It just so happened then summer came along and I got so busy with all things music, that I then couldn't keep it updated, so I've spent the last two months racking my brains as to how I can fit everything in and that's when it struck me.

The reason I was struggling to keep it all together was because of the words of another. This shadow that kept trying to overpower me, I realized was no friend when she stated that my work needed to have no face, because people don't want to know a girl like me. I put my energy into believing that. It wasn't long before I realized the face of my work is actually what people connect with, that I realized, was why I was struggling to create content.

The thing is and bloggers you will know this, is that when you create a post your readers connect with you as a person. I find people tell me they like my personable way of writing, my personality in my work. So I vow never again to let the words of another bring me down.

I've suffered with anxiety for a good few years now, it started as a kid, I would have crippling panic attacks when I felt scared. I managed to overcome these by the age of 16 but after getting my heartbroken at 18 and ending up in several downward spiralling relationships and a personal rut, the anxiety came back in the form of fear.

I never attended college meet ups, stopped attending auditions and eventually managed to convince myself I was never going to amount to anything interesting and that life was work, houses and chores. As a creative person, this not only brought me down but managed to bring me to a standstill.

I made one last vain attempt to free myself from my demons, I cut out the people in my life who brought me down, I quit my job, ended my relationship, everything but cut my hair. (One bad haircut from my mum, my best friend Caz - I still remember crying and Stingray from neighbors (long story) was enough to persuade me to keep it long and stop going for daring cuts.)

I remember buying company magazine, it had become the light in a dark place and I loved it's colourful pages, pretty clothes but mostly it's bloggers, street stylers and beauty queens. The fact that they were for the most part real girls, took away my crippling fear and made me feel that maybe just maybe one day, I could be much like them.

It led me to Jennie Masters fashion blog, I loved her style, it partly reminded me of my own except I'd never had the confidence to talk about it. The blog I found alongside this one was BeckyBedbug. Between these two girls, there was rarely a day I didn't log on, to see if a new post would be there for me to read.

As I began to look for more blogs I came across EffiesMakeUpBox, so cool. I LOVED the outfit posts and I started to read more and more blogs until one day I decided to start my own. I thought this is it, this is the moment my life will turn around. So I sat eagerly planning my blog and posts, only to discover that it wasn't easy, I couldn't create an empire or look stunning in my outfits and I began to deflate again.

Then while listening to music a 'review' fell out of a case. I used to review every CD I bought and write the review on a piece of A4 paper and tuck it inside the case in case someone in hundreds of years were to find it and wonder what it was like, they might not be able to play it if a new form of technology took over CD's!

I thought about it when the phone rang, Mel 'hey do you want to go to a gig tonight?' we trundled down to a pub in Portsmouth and watched the band play. I found myself excited and after went home and typed a review. (The story doesn't end there but I could write all day about the journey that followed.) So to summarize LITTLEBEARWOLF was born.

Fashion and beauty were hard for someone with little to no self esteem to write about, music has and always will be a massive passion of mine and throughout my darkest times it was there to create a moment of bliss.

The journey that led me to here has meant a boost in esteem, confidence and knowing that following my passions is what makes my life happy.

That character that has evolved is me and the heart I put into my work comes from that character and passion. So I'll never again take the personality out of what I do.

In fact if anything, it's made me feel stronger as a blogger.

I only recently started to watch vlogs. It wasn't long until I came across Zoella. Firstly like the blogs I first read all those months ago, the thing that drew me into her videos was that I felt I could connect with Zoe. As if in a another life or time we'd be friends. I liked her personable nature and when I watched her videos about anxiety, it sealed the deal that she'd be added to my list of inspiring blogger people.

The trouble is though, when you have a blog that you pour your life and soul into, it becomes very personal. I sort of think it becomes your horcrux, the one you didn't mean to make. A little part of your soul goes into it, meaning when people (not Harry Potter as we're not all demon wizards trying to destroy humanity, i'm talking more about internet trolls and gollum like 'friends') so when people say or do hurtful things to it, it's personal and painful.

It's because I can tell you first hand it's bloody hard work running a blog. It's the greatest thing I've ever done but it's everyday of my life, being me and the musicians I work with, people sometimes expect you to be on it 24/7 when actually I'll be hiding in Skyrim building my archery skills just to feel an escape from the world.

People who don't have the fire (by fire I mean creativity, inspiration, motivation and get up and go) to create their own piece of happiness, they turn to destroying the people who have. 

I thought that by now being in the adult world that people would be more compassionate than to try and turn others against those they are envious of. If Bowling for soup taught me anything, it's that high school never ends. So unfortunately where light shines, darkness dwells.

What's important to remember here bloggers is that they will never be you. We each alone have the power to be us and make our own stories as incredible and exciting as we desire.

I've met non-blogger types who say it's pointless and a bunch of teenagers making videos about lipstick, but I don't need to explain myself to them. They are entitled to their opinion.

Blogging brought me a whole new world, new people, new places and experiences.

Blogging is a huge community of people that can express themselves in areas they are passionate about for hobbies, part of or all of their work. It's a big industry that's ever growing and one day maybe we'll all be doing something different, we're not hurting anyone, we're simply sharing things with others that make our lives happy. Be it bands, make up, help for conditions like anxiety or local business' worth checking out.

So to those who down on bloggers and tell us we're wasting our time, I ask what they're doing with theirs that provides them with the power to control others.

A wise tutor turned friend once told me 'they accept convention and when someone challenges convention, they worry that you may break the convention and they realise they could be doing it differently. Without the willpower and motivation they never will, so their only power is their hold over you'.

Here are a selection of blogs that provide me with inspiration and the bloggers who have become my friends and colleagues.

BeckyBedbug // EffiesMakeUpBox // NotSoCity // Music&Manxies // Le-Happy // Songbird // USN // Scarphelia // Ella Masters // Flat Eleven // Gembolini // Jough // PierreLeCat // Annarack // Zoella 

Just in case you'd like to take a wander to my music blog LITTLEBEARWOLF you can!

The above blogs are my faves, I read others and always like to read more so feel free to comment below with your links. Either through email, tweets or blogging I've come to know these bloggers and have respect for each of them.

We each forge our own paths in life, whether we know it or not we all have the power to be creative. It took me a long time to feel as worthy as some of the bloggers above but when I got to know them I came to realise just how lovely they were and human too. They each have their own magic and have helped me to find mine.

LOVE & PEACE

♥ ☮

KG

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LITTLEBEARWOLFCOVE  © Krystal Gemma.