SHE'S IN FASHION

So here's the thing. I was thinking recently about how few female friends I have. I've been really harsh on myself recently for not being a proper girly-girl. Except what does that even mean? Does that mean because your'e interested in beauty you can't speak fluent German. No. Does that mean because you're interested in fashion you can't be an outdoor girl? No.

I work in music and the majority of people I work with, happen to be male. (I'm not saying there's not females in the industry - I have female friends in the industry they just either live far away or our relationship is online.) I only have a couple of girls my age that I would say I was close with, my other female friends are either a few years younger or a few years older than me.
It doesn't really bother me that I don't have the SATC stereotype friendship circle, mainly because my life is not a TV show.
I think it's partly why I struggled at uni with socializing, I wasn't one of the lads and I definitely wasn't one of the girls.
Take freshers and even life after uni for instance - I've never been a clubbing, cocktails, shopping trips or gossip kinda girl. I've been going to gigs since I was 13, I grew up in a small town surrounded by trees and fields and I would say even now I'd pick climbing trees over going shopping.
That doesn't mean I don't have a clue about fashion or beauty, they just aren't my be all and end all.
I never went to underage club nights, mostly because I went to ska-punk gigs. I never wore high-heels because I loved skate shoes. I still don't get excited over shoes and bags. I'll set my heart on a pair of boots or a rucksack and then wear it until it falls apart, when I'll get the next item i'm lusting after.

I've been feeling quite guilty recently that I don't abide by the 5:2 diet, that I don't have 'my girls', that I don't have any interest in the kardashians, made in chelsea, x-factor or strictly or other shows of that nature. The thing is I shouldn't be making myself feel guilty because while a-lot of females I know are into these things, that doesn't mean I need to be.

I don't really like clubs. I have probably been clubbing (which wasn't an alternative night wear I wore jeans and pumps) maybe less than 10 times since I was 18 and NEVER before. I hate people rubbing themselves against me, I hate feeling like an animal in the zoo and dancing to music I wouldn't normally listen to, while dressed up to the nines without a coat in mid-December.

Don't get me wrong, that's not me being stuck up, if that sounds like your weekend, if you enjoy it then great, just personally I don't. That doesn't mean I never go out, I go to gigs A LOT, I go to restaurants, bars, pubs, I'll go to clubs if it's an alternative night and I can wear my old jeans and tees. I just don't like going 'clubbing'.

I should state that some clubs put on WICKED alternative nights with banging DJ's and everyone has a good old mosh and a dance, I don't mind that at all. I'm 26 and I know what I enjoy. I'm not willing to spend my time doing things I don't enjoy anymore for the sake of 'it's shit but it's a good way to get smashed' or 'it's a laugh' SORRY. For me a laugh is actually being able to chat to my friends or have everyone over for a get together, going to a sorry ass club to watch men who should know better leer over 18 year old girls while having beer drunkenly lobbed over me is not my idea of a laugh.
I don't want a mans attention if to get it I must be almost naked rubbing against him.
Not that I get smashed very often but if I do it'll be from drinking too much rum while laughing uncontrollably with my friends.

I'm not judging anyone of their interests, how they spend their down time or what music they like, I'm just saying that I know what I like. I don't like the fact I've been giving myself such a hard time for not liking those things. I certainly hope that the girls I do know are not giving themselves a hard time for not being interested in the things I am interested in.

As for the image stuff, I don't see why I have to be skinny or curvy. What about those of us that fall imbetween? Why is it so bad to actually be comfortable with your figure? Okay so it's not what you perceive as beautiful or perfect. Okay, i'm not asking you to look at me.
I like my figure, sure there's things I work on but it's not the be all and end all of my day. When it comes down to it, 90% of the time I feel pretty good in my skin. There I said it, call me vain, if I complained about my weight you'd also call me self-obsessed.

I don't judge my figure by a number on my scales, by a number in my closet, by how my clothes fit (shock horror clothes shrink over time with washes and wear with wear.) I certainly don't judge my figure on what you, her or even he thinks. I don't care if Victoria's ribs are sticking out, I don't care if whichever Kardashian it is, isn't really a Kardashian. I just hope they're happy in their lives, the way I try to be in mine. I lose or put on weight depending on how I feel in my body. For the record if you do care about those people, that's cool, I'm not saying you can't, i'm just saying I don't.

I don't care if you're a 6 or a 16, if you're my friend it's certainly not because of how you look. It's because when we're together I feel like there are no problems in the world, when there are, you help me stand strong and know that in your battle I'll be right next to you.

I shouldn't feel bad because I don't have three or four girls that make up my gang. I have friends near and far, here and online. A mix of men and women, from all ages, they're the people that I like socializing with. Okay so I don't do lunch every Sat or have girly film nights, that's okay I'm okay with that.
I don't do the 5:2 diet or the atkins diet, I eat some days more than others, I am more active some days than others, I'm okay with that.
I don't mind the girl I see in the mirror, she has flaws but that's what makes her, her. I'm okay with her, as long as she's doing her best, she's doing alright.
I'm not a home-maker, that's okay, I'm only 26 maybe when i'm 36 I'll feel more like having a family.
Maybe I won't, I'm okay with that too.

I don't judge you by what you do, how you do it, or how you look through it, as long as your not hurting people, keep doing what you do.
I'm just letting you know that just because I don't fit your tick-list, doesn't mean you can judge, bully or tell me what I should be doing. Only I can make that choice.
My friends are all entirely different, some are introverts, some are extroverts and some fall somewhere imbetween. Some i'm similar to, others i'm completely different to.

If you judge someone, you have no time to love them. Don't let others make you feel you aren't good enough as you are and don't make others feel they aren't good enough, it's not them it reflects.

Being a friend is the only way to have a friend.
To hell whether everyone else thinks you're cool.
I'm not cool, I'm not the popular girl but I don't care because at least i'm being true to myself, which for a long time I felt as though I couldn't.