Sometimes it takes your saddest, longest or hardest day to date to make you realise just who you are and what you are going to do with the time that has been given to you.
For me it was a series of small incidents and challenges that led me to today. To realising that beyond all else, it is my time, and only I can truly affect what happens with it.
The fire in my heart burns stronger than ever before and I do not see aging as something of a weakness. I have lived a mere twenty-six years, that is but a blink to the universe and I am but a speck of dust to the cosmos, but that is not going to stop me from living the greatest adventure I have ever embarked upon - to live.
We become so involved within our box that we lose all hope and sight of anything that is not ultimately graspable in the present moment. We focus all our aspirations and dreams on something that is always yet to happen, while we let the moments of now, the only ones we have the impact to change, slip us by.
I too did this, almost two years ago I started a blog, it changed my entire direction and outlook on life. Suddenly the impossible did not seem so impossible. Yet like so many others, I recently found myself in a rut, not because I no longer enjoyed what I did, not because I wasn't passionate, simply because all of a sudden I was so focused on the future that I had begun to completely neglect the present, in order to not end up in the past. Yet my own actions led me to a fragile situation emotionally that was bringing me ever closer to the past.
I had to put the future out of my head, it was the only way to escape the past. The present is the only time I have to make any difference to my being, my adventure, my journey.
I didn't know three years ago that I would be not working in retail management, I did not know a year ago that I would be living in my own place. I do not know what I will be doing or how I will be spending my time a year from now. So all I can really do is use the current moment and fire in my heart to further drive my passion and time in one direction.
What do you want to be when you grow up? Alive. Free. Passionate. Happy. Peaceful.
How do you want to be when you grow up? Compassionate, Personable. Creative. Innovative. Loved.
Who do you want to be when you grow up? An ever developing, exploring version of me.
I do not want my career, way of life, personal life or choices to define who I am in one word or sentence; because it is together this cocktail of parts make up me as a person and I decide how to act, how to spend my time on what I do, where I do it and with whom I do it.
Sometimes that fire that burns will dampen and it will require oxygen to help it breathe, it will require heat from others to warm it, mostly it will require fuel to keep it burning.
Humans are beautiful machines of science that before we even say a word or lift a finger have more than a hundred thousand actions happening at once, that we are neither aware of nor can we control.
We live on a planet that spins at millions of miles a second around a burning ball of gas, where magic is created in movies, music & art, mountains rise above oceans and where in the darkness of night a billion trillions stars appear like fairy lights in a darkened room.
Yet we focus so much of our energy on what we do, what we earn, where we live and how as a community and society we approach events, government and life. That we forget all of those beautiful things and become consumed by the 'real world' which is but a mere aspect of the world in which we exist.
I realise that my biggest struggle in my twenties has been coming to terms with the world we live in and the world in which we exist. How two components can be so far apart yet joined completely. Am I supposed to join the rat race and live comfortably or am I supposed to wander barefoot along the shores of freedom from humanity.
Can you ever truly exist and be part of both?
I decided that it is my time and I will do with it as I please. There is no written answers, no book, manuscript or government that has all the answers, that knows the truth, the answers to life.
It's like when you make a search on the web. 90% of the matches will be unhelpful to the answer, site or object you seek. Yet that 10% that you untangle from the web of responses will be what you're looking for.
In life it is down to us to each retreat to our own mind palace and find the match we seek that will strike that kindling and start the fire. Untangle what you know to be false or unnecessary and keep only that which matters.
I know where I have been, I don't know where I will go, I know where I am.
Not all those who wander are lost.
Do all that you can with the time that has been given to you.
Be fearless, compassionate and above all else refuse to give in to normality, conformity and a life that would suffocate you.
Those who provide me with inspiration are simply humans, humans that above all else are curious, extraordinary and refusing to accept that cards they are dealt will rule their life.
Living is the hardest thing you will have to do. It will also be the single greatest thing you ever do.
LOVE & PEACE
KG
LITTLEBEARWOLFCOVE
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