Today's post mirrors the weather, slightly overcast but with a bright silver lining shining through the clouds. I'm writing this particular post because it's something we all go through, something we don't particularly understand. For me has taken almost a year to come to terms with.
When a relationship comes to the end of it's time, you agree to be friends, so what are you supposed to do when a friendship comes to the end of it's time? Especially one that appeared to have been a close bond but that actually you realise was nothing more than illusions in the long run.
It's hard but you have to let that person go, a friendship that is strong, will withstand distance and mistakes time after time. Time after time I was willing this friendship to work out, but when I eventually saw all the pieces clearly, I wondered why I had been trying to salvage a half romanticised memory of a person I barely knew anymore.
When I think of old friendships I know that even though time has passed and many things have happened, we are still friends. We'd have a good time catching up, nothing hidden, just purely a good time creating renewed memories of a friendship that has lasted.
However when I think of others, I've come to realise that the time passed has withered our friendships. Catching up is simply a means to an end in finding out just what i've been doing with my time (which to a real friend wouldn't matter either way and though may be talked about, would not be with hooks looking for answers). Perhaps your newsfeeds aren't providing you with the information you crave, even your little birds can't quench that thirst for answers.
I didn't realise this was how it was at first, you realise because that is not how I treat my friendships. In fact I tend to remember only the good which made remembering the harsh memories all the more painful and being reminded of things that at the time felt like daggers in my spine.
I don't have all the answers and I don't have a clue about life, i'm just living mine a day at a time. You needn't worry what I'm up to because you are you, you have your own life to live.
The difference between us, is that where you lost your fire, I found a way to burn mine brightly. What I once thought was sisterhood I look back on and see the malice and spite in many of your actions towards me.
The mistakes I made that had ripples in our friendship were not done with spite, but with naivety. The venom you exacted to poisoned my mind was a careful measurement, whether you intentionally meant it or not.
I have wondered in recent times whether when you at first decided I wasn't to be liked, that was in fact the long truth of our so called friendship.
Just finding ways to prove yourself better than I, which you really needn't have done because I never once considered myself better than you.
I think a part of our friendship had been real, but your demons took control and tried to take me down with you, except you weren't the first and by the time I realised what you were doing, I had already burned many of my demons and though it took time I managed to keep yours from creating more in my mind.
I'm not the girl you once knew, the same as you are not the girl I once knew. We've grown and I think fair to say apart. I find myself learning everyday. I make no apologies for people who masquerade as friends when their agendas are not as hidden as they may like to believe.
Know only this, true friends. Years and mistakes make no difference on the bond we share. My energy and well being only increase when I am around them.
So if you find yourself deflated and untrusting, trust your instincts and walk away.
No need for negativity to be shared anymore, there's enough of it in the world. Chances are you aren't the only one feeling this way about that person and they aren't only treating you like it. When we have demons we can't face, we lash out at those around us we feel are without demons.
For whatever their reason whether it's jelousy, insecurity, fomo or something else if you consistently try to shield yourself from their negative vibes you will waste energy and time that could be put to far better use.
To those people who are now either realising that a knife will only go so far before it hits the spine or are deluded enough to still hunger for answers...
I am KG, I am many things, I am learning as much today as I was at 16. I know none of the answers to life, the difference is now I know I have none of these answers. Some parts of my journey are just beginning while others are in full swing. I love my family, friends unconditionally. I give myself completely to everything that is important to me. I am happy with my journey, my choices. I have good people in my life that I trust and no I don't really miss the old days because i'm too busy living today.
LOVE&PEACE
♥ ☮
KG
littlebearwolfcove © - Krystal Gemma
No comments:
Post a Comment