Happy Halloween to everyone getting involved in the Halloween festivities, there are fireworks, parties, costumes, faces painted and everyone's having a good time. I'd like to take a moment to think about what's important in life, seems like a funny time I know.
I was just thinking how we all take each other for granted and even ourselves. I'm fairly (completely) clumsy so I tend not to take my body for granted too much and try to look after myself, I am guilty of taking those around me for granted.
How many people should you have told you love them, when you've been too angry or cringe or busy to talk too?
Halloween marks the end of harvest and the start of Winter, it marks the start of the festive season and the coldest, darkest months of the year. While I am able to see much love and goodness in my life, it saddens me that others cannot see it in theirs.
We all struggle and we all have our own battles to face, so we make things harder for ourselves when we focus on the negativity. I am guilty of this too, so I challenge everyone throughout November and December to act justly towards those in their lives, make the colder months, just that bit warmer.
It takes a matter of seconds to send a text, that text may just cheer a person up, it might be the words a loved one needs to hear, it might be the hello a friend who's lonely needs.
You'll never please everyone sure, but can you right now say you've done your best with the people closest to you? Have you got annoyed or frustrated with them? Are they worth more than that to you?
There are some people in this world who's only interaction with others comes from a cashier in a shop, or the nurse that they see each week.
There are some people who have lived incredible lives but have no one left to share their time with, so they just wait for their time to end too. I can't imagine anything more heartbreaking. A man who lost his wife and has a bad back so he can no longer get around easily, just sits in his house listening to old records, reminiscing memories, yet he'd be considered wealthy to some people in the world...
Whatever you're facing, there's someone in the world suffering with you, someone waiting to chat, waiting to laugh; for a world full of social media, dreams and freedom, I've never seen so many miserable, lonely souls.
I'm going to try and not waste another minute of time, even if I'm angry or upset, I'm going to try and act with love and kindness. Don't leave others to be alone, because you don't know how they feel or what their going through. You wouldn't want to be alone for the rest of your time....
Treat others as you wish to be treated, or you may just find they treat you how you've treated them.
Friday 31 October 2014
Wednesday 29 October 2014
30 FACTS ABOUT KG
I love connecting with each of you and sharing music, fashion and various posts with you. I try to keep my personal life, well personal, but I understand that some of my readers and followers would like to know more about the girl behind the blog; so i'm going to do the 30 facts about me tag, hopefully that will help you all get to know me a little better.
I'll try to make it interesting, hopefully there's 30 things I can tell you about myself!
Feel free to share your links with the tag in the comments, it would be nice to know more about the people reading my blog and fellow bloggers.
1. I was named after Krystle Carrington, a character from a TV show named Dynasty. It aired throughout the 80's and my mum loved the show.
*I had a huuuge crush on Orlando Bloom as a teen and his teen crush was Krystle Carrington!
2. I am 26 but most people mistake me for between 19-22, I never get offended when i'm asked for ID - only when it is refused!
3. I grew up in a small countryside town called Malvern, then spent my teens living in nearby Worcester. I went to high school there and still miss it, even though i've not lived there in years.
4. My birthday is May 7, though it should have been two weeks later, I was premature as my mum took a fall down a spiral staircase. Eek.
5. Ancient ruins, old forests and the Jurassic coast are some of my favourite places to escape to, I love the history and the fact they remain untouched despite it being the 21st century.
6. Vintage maps, old books, vintage clothes and old photographs are some of my favourite things to collect, I like to feel everything has it's own character and story. I currently own four vintage geographical maps, a map of Westeros, a map of Tamriel and i'm after a map of Middle Earth to complete my collection.
7. Oh yes, I am a bit of a geek when it comes to fantasy. I love Tolkien, Pratchett and fantasy-adventure novels. *Apparently Tolkien stayed in Malvern while he was writing The Hobbit and some of his inspiration of The Shire comes from there, the gas lamps inspired C.S Lewis while he was writing the Narnia stories. I love Tim Burton films, anything to do with dragons and playing Skyrim - that's often where I'll escape to when I need to hide from the world.
8. I normally play Skyrim as a Nord Warrior and have great interest in Scandinavia, it's folklore, history and Native American lore and history.
9. My passion for Native American lore is what inspired my blog name, when I needed guidance in my life and a direction to follow, I came to create LITTLEBEARWOLF, since then it has remained my way to connect with the world and build my career.
10. I have Blue eyes, but they often turn a shade of Grey when I am sleepy or poorly and a Greenish colour in the summer months. This has led to a longstanding joke that I am part-faerie or mythical creature with my friends.
11. I am 5ft 3 which makes me fairly little in terms of people. However Buffy the vampire slayer is apparently also only 5ft 3.
12. My hair is naturally Blonde, though through my teens I dyed it almost every colour it would go. I have it lightened to a white blonde shade using toners at the moment, though I am considering letting my darker blonde grow out.
13. I don't really care for shoes and bags. I own only a handful of pairs of shoes and even less handbags. Right now i'm loving faux-fur lined walking boots and winter boots as well as one giant handbag. *I do a lot of walking so tend to pick practical items over things that look pretty and I only purchase them when I really need them. The sound of a thousand retailers and bloggers readying their pitchforks...
14. I do have an obsession with jewellery and treasure. I never buy expensive jewellery as I'm far too likely to break or lose it, so I have gathered a collection of costume jewellery in a variety of style but mostly mythical / historical inspired pieces and I have a collection of herb bottles, little stones and candles.
15. I did ballet, contemporary, jazz, street jazz and tap dancing classes and Michael Flatley's The Lord Of The Dance is my favourite dance show EVER. Second is Matthew Bourne's Swan Lake.
16. I love to cook, my signature dishes are a vegetable linguini for summer and a vegetable stew for winter. I am indeed vegetarian.
17. Whilst studying at college, I did a Shakespeare course in drama at RADA, London.
18. I almost always get cast as sweethearts or damsels in distress. Apart from when I played the angel Gabriel in a school production back in 1992.
19. I absolutely love huskies and wolves. Especially the ones with piercing blue eyes.
20. After first watching Star Wars as a kid, I would only wear brown or beige clothes and was determined I would be a Jedi when I was older. As I grew up I decided I would be an astronaut and after realising science and math were not my strengths, I turned to my creative side to be an actor. I am yet to play an astronaut or a Jedi.
21. Though I mostly studied performing arts, music is my biggest passion. Other subjects that interest me are ancient history, astronomy and alternative therapies like crystal healing, yoga, herbology and meditation.
22. I should probably have gone to school at Hogwarts instead of Blessed Edwards.
23. People tell me I remind them of Luna Lovegood, Daenerys Targaryen and Amanda Seyfried. I also often get asked if I am Swedish or Norwegian and sometimes Polish, though I do have some Scandinavian in my heritage and apparently something odd like 1/127 Spanish.
24. I absolutely love Dinosaurs and Dragons.
25. I know all 50 states (and state capitals) of the US, despite never having actually been to the USA!
26. My favorite actors are Steve Buscemi, Bruce Willis & Tom Hanks. Oh and I have a minor crush on Kit Harrington.
27. No matter even if you make me a small cup of coffee or tea, I will always leave a little at the bottom of the cup. This has led to the nickname two-sips as apparently I only take two sips before leaving the rest.
28. I don't really like sweets, chocolate or dessert, I do love savory scones, tea cakes and carrot cake.
29. This ones going to get me shunned from the blogger community buuuut I really don't get the Disney princess thing. Don't get me wrong, I'll watch the movies, I actually grew up watching them and enjoy them, but I really don't get the 'totes obsessed with princesses thing'.
30. I used to carry a small framed poster of Elijah Wood around, I even took it on holiday to Devon with my parents, then cried when my mum said I couldn't bring it to lunch. Awkward.
So there you have it, 30 things you never knew about me before.
LOVE & PEACE
♥☮
KG
26. My favorite actors are Steve Buscemi, Bruce Willis & Tom Hanks. Oh and I have a minor crush on Kit Harrington.
27. No matter even if you make me a small cup of coffee or tea, I will always leave a little at the bottom of the cup. This has led to the nickname two-sips as apparently I only take two sips before leaving the rest.
28. I don't really like sweets, chocolate or dessert, I do love savory scones, tea cakes and carrot cake.
29. This ones going to get me shunned from the blogger community buuuut I really don't get the Disney princess thing. Don't get me wrong, I'll watch the movies, I actually grew up watching them and enjoy them, but I really don't get the 'totes obsessed with princesses thing'.
30. I used to carry a small framed poster of Elijah Wood around, I even took it on holiday to Devon with my parents, then cried when my mum said I couldn't bring it to lunch. Awkward.
So there you have it, 30 things you never knew about me before.
LOVE & PEACE
♥☮
KG
Images / content belong to their respective owners.
LITTLEBEARWOLFCOVE © Krystal Gemma.
Tuesday 28 October 2014
KG IN REAL LIFE
Okay, so there are always going to be subjects that on the whole, humanity will always use as a battlefield. I vowed never to blog about image, politics and social issues as it goes without saying that if you breathe life into a fire, it will only become stronger. I feel no need to add to the issues humanity creates for itself.
However, that being said I am breaking that vow tonight to share a post that has been whirring around my brain for the last few days. To the point that the thoughts have become so prominent and tangled amongst my being, that even the choices i'm making outside of the web-world I live in are being affected.
The subjects that have been on my mind touch on image and social issues. I don't know quite what everyone's deal with image is. How is focusing on someone else's image ever going to advance your own life. When you judge a person, it is not a reflection of their personality, but of your own.
So I'm not going to name call, name drop or stereotype. I'm simply going to share my opinion of the subject, in the vain hope that getting it off my chest will free my thoughts up to the subjects I actually feel extremely passionate towards and may at least help just one of you out of the dark.
I'm fairly little at 5'3. After a childhood of dancing, I have grown to develop a muscular, athletic build. After a childhood of being called bony, when I started to show a little curve in my late teens, I found a confidence boost. I used to look through catalogs and want to be a size 12, except these days I realise how futile that was, as what even is a size 12.
As no store, or even two items within a store represent a consistent sizing system, to refer to yourself as a particular size seems fairly ridiculous. Considering we live in a world where we want to be accepted regardless of race, gender, persuasion, look and career, to be so desperate to be defined as a number seems very odd.
I have clothes in my closet that range from age 14-15 through women's to a men's M. So if you'd like to waste your time working out what size that makes me, go ahead but I feel no need to converse or spare you my time.
My weight generally fluctuates over a stone difference depending on time of year, mood and phase of life and again if you're so desperate to judge me on my number than please understand I'll have nothing to do with you. For when you judge someone, you have no time to love them.
I'm very sorry if weight takes over your life and you feel trapped with the on-going battle you face, I've spent my life around someone with an eating disorder and I would never wish the suffering she struggles with on anyone. I hope that those around you, provide you with the support you need.
I bet you're beautiful, but my saying it won't make you feel it.
The same goes the other way, if you have curves and more as long as it's not detrimental to your health, who gives a flying f*** what 'people' think. As long as you're comfortable and feel good, than that's really all that matters.
I have times when I feel great and times when I think 'okay need to be a bit careful and look after myself now', but ultimately I don't regard anyone's opinion but my own of my image. At the end of the day, no one else needs to be me, if you're having to figure out my flaws to improve your own confidence, honey something's fundamentally wrong.
Gok Wan (who may I add that a (and if you're reading this by some magic enchantment Gok, I totally respect you and highly revere what you do for the confidence of womankind but you are a) man and if we really need a man to show us how to love our bodies, something really is very wrong with us females. We go on about not needing no man, being some career driven, sexual goddess with the perfect winged eyeliner who also is allowed to be Bridget Jones; yet we tear ourselves apart looking in the mirror and we tear each other apart (which is more savage than THAT red wedding).
In a world where no two humans (even twins) look EXACTLY the same or have the same passions, why do we allow ourselves to be stereotyped into a shape or number from a system that's older than the women adhering to it.
I appreciate all of the females I see and no offence but I couldn't care less what size you are or how you dress, as long as your not endangering your health. I have far bigger things to be focusing on. For one this ball of rock that's hurtling through space at 4966856523434 miles an hour round a HUGE burning ball of gas and I'm supposed to be worried that I've put a pound on?! I'm more interested in learning how something as small as an atom can create this, the world as we know it and why I am afraid of spiders when I am 454564562453453 times bigger than (most) of them.
As far as my own perception of image goes, I try to treat my body like a temple, I try to eat healthily and enjoy things in moderation. I won't starve myself to fit into something, I'll simply buy it a little larger. (Given that we live in an economy that needs throw away fashion to survive (if it's made to last, you won't buy more) than I highly doubt that the sizes are fair anyway.)
All i'm saying is the media is made up of people, people who are told to write bullshit stories about image, 'celebrities' and size by other people. They are no more powerful than you or I, except you have the power and the choice to not read the bullshit they feed you. For every detrimental article, there is one that builds confidence.
So please see your beauty because you really are one of a kind and there will never be another like you.
That's enough, let's look now at the other harbinger of doom on my thoughts. Social Media. We thrive on it, as bloggers we use it as a tool to gain traffic, share our posts and build our profile.
People get so torn up over it. If you're really concerned over how many followers or 'friends' you have, I'd suggest delete your profile because you're not using it right.
I have over a hundred 'friends' on social media, yet less than 5 that I would call if my life depended on it, I'm fully aware of that fact and it doesn't bother me.
I have a handful of people that I trust and love unconditionally and everyone else is simply a pleasure to know. There is no room for jerks.
I don't blog because I want to be famous. I blog because I LOVE writing, sharing and music. When I had no experience or a career to speak of, it became my tool to work towards the dream career. I don't really know what that is, I'm just enjoying the journey for now.
Fame and fortune are dangerous cards to ask for. Your'e giving away the one important thing -anonymity. For money that won't buy you happiness or the answers. For fame, people presume they own you, people presume they have a right to discuss, spit on and glorify your personal life. They begin to live their lives how you would live yours, which isn't what the aim is, you're hoping to inspire people to be confident in themselves.
To be well known for your art, is slightly different. To me celebrities are not to be envied. Artists, doctors, scientists, professors, people with exceptional talent and character, these are the respected people. The people to be inspired by.
I don't blog in the hope that I'll be surrounded by fans of screaming people who aspire to be me. I blog in the hope that one person reading it may listen to the band I have shared, or that they may find some confidence or inspiration from my words. If through doing that, I end up being known for my blog than okay, I'll have some bridges to cross and hurdles to jump. I don't do what I do for fame or freebies, I do it because it's what I am passionate about. If that changes than I'll do something else. I'll tell you something for free, I'll never let people's opinion affect me, because as long as I know I have done the right thing, been a good person and feel happy in myself than their hurtful words and rumors mean nothing.
If you have nothing nice to say, say nothing at all.
This world is full of beauty, passion, people and life. Yet we so often focus on trouble, misery and people that we don't live, we exist. Understand that just because one person says a thing does not mean it has to be that way for you. Only you know how you feel and you are different, incredible and have your own story to tell.
I write because that is what I do best, I have friends who are nurses, teachers and scientists. Without them the world would fall apart, if we were all artists, writers and musicians, where would the world be?
You might not like writing but feel that if you aren't a blogger you aren't cool. That's not the case, you might be the person to cure cancer, you might be a mother or father to the worlds next man to walk on the moon, or woman. There's no knowing of what you might achieve.
Blogging is my life, it's how I found my way into working in the music industry. Every message of praise or offer of work is an honour and I can't help but smile, but all I'm looking for, is to keep doing what I love and live my life. Maybe five years from now I won't even blog (though that thought saddens me) I can't help but wonder what new adventure I might be treading.
All i'm trying to say is that we each are who we are. Fame and fortune don't necessarily bring happiness and peace. Be you, stand out and be different.
Maybe you hate your part time job, but if it provides you with the funds to go trail-walking at weekends or pays for your kids dance classes or provides you money to use on creating and running a blog, or doing things with loved ones than it's worth it. While asking if people want fries with that, or if they want to wear it now, may not feel like it, you may be the highlight of someones day.
While bloggers have helped me more than I could express in words, sometimes it's the server at the coffee shop, the smile of a bus driver and the hello from a passerby that makes me feel like carrying on.
Maybe people don't chase you down the street, maybe they don't ask for your autograph or photo but that doesn't mean they don't respect you.
Ultimately if you don't respect you, how will anyone else?
I hope you can understand my opinion, though I know some will disagree, none of this is meant in bias or to hurt another. I hope that for at least one of you reading this, it provides food for thought.
However, that being said I am breaking that vow tonight to share a post that has been whirring around my brain for the last few days. To the point that the thoughts have become so prominent and tangled amongst my being, that even the choices i'm making outside of the web-world I live in are being affected.
The subjects that have been on my mind touch on image and social issues. I don't know quite what everyone's deal with image is. How is focusing on someone else's image ever going to advance your own life. When you judge a person, it is not a reflection of their personality, but of your own.
So I'm not going to name call, name drop or stereotype. I'm simply going to share my opinion of the subject, in the vain hope that getting it off my chest will free my thoughts up to the subjects I actually feel extremely passionate towards and may at least help just one of you out of the dark.
I'm fairly little at 5'3. After a childhood of dancing, I have grown to develop a muscular, athletic build. After a childhood of being called bony, when I started to show a little curve in my late teens, I found a confidence boost. I used to look through catalogs and want to be a size 12, except these days I realise how futile that was, as what even is a size 12.
As no store, or even two items within a store represent a consistent sizing system, to refer to yourself as a particular size seems fairly ridiculous. Considering we live in a world where we want to be accepted regardless of race, gender, persuasion, look and career, to be so desperate to be defined as a number seems very odd.
I have clothes in my closet that range from age 14-15 through women's to a men's M. So if you'd like to waste your time working out what size that makes me, go ahead but I feel no need to converse or spare you my time.
My weight generally fluctuates over a stone difference depending on time of year, mood and phase of life and again if you're so desperate to judge me on my number than please understand I'll have nothing to do with you. For when you judge someone, you have no time to love them.
I'm very sorry if weight takes over your life and you feel trapped with the on-going battle you face, I've spent my life around someone with an eating disorder and I would never wish the suffering she struggles with on anyone. I hope that those around you, provide you with the support you need.
I bet you're beautiful, but my saying it won't make you feel it.
The same goes the other way, if you have curves and more as long as it's not detrimental to your health, who gives a flying f*** what 'people' think. As long as you're comfortable and feel good, than that's really all that matters.
I have times when I feel great and times when I think 'okay need to be a bit careful and look after myself now', but ultimately I don't regard anyone's opinion but my own of my image. At the end of the day, no one else needs to be me, if you're having to figure out my flaws to improve your own confidence, honey something's fundamentally wrong.
Gok Wan (who may I add that a (and if you're reading this by some magic enchantment Gok, I totally respect you and highly revere what you do for the confidence of womankind but you are a) man and if we really need a man to show us how to love our bodies, something really is very wrong with us females. We go on about not needing no man, being some career driven, sexual goddess with the perfect winged eyeliner who also is allowed to be Bridget Jones; yet we tear ourselves apart looking in the mirror and we tear each other apart (which is more savage than THAT red wedding).
In a world where no two humans (even twins) look EXACTLY the same or have the same passions, why do we allow ourselves to be stereotyped into a shape or number from a system that's older than the women adhering to it.
I appreciate all of the females I see and no offence but I couldn't care less what size you are or how you dress, as long as your not endangering your health. I have far bigger things to be focusing on. For one this ball of rock that's hurtling through space at 4966856523434 miles an hour round a HUGE burning ball of gas and I'm supposed to be worried that I've put a pound on?! I'm more interested in learning how something as small as an atom can create this, the world as we know it and why I am afraid of spiders when I am 454564562453453 times bigger than (most) of them.
As far as my own perception of image goes, I try to treat my body like a temple, I try to eat healthily and enjoy things in moderation. I won't starve myself to fit into something, I'll simply buy it a little larger. (Given that we live in an economy that needs throw away fashion to survive (if it's made to last, you won't buy more) than I highly doubt that the sizes are fair anyway.)
All i'm saying is the media is made up of people, people who are told to write bullshit stories about image, 'celebrities' and size by other people. They are no more powerful than you or I, except you have the power and the choice to not read the bullshit they feed you. For every detrimental article, there is one that builds confidence.
So please see your beauty because you really are one of a kind and there will never be another like you.
That's enough, let's look now at the other harbinger of doom on my thoughts. Social Media. We thrive on it, as bloggers we use it as a tool to gain traffic, share our posts and build our profile.
People get so torn up over it. If you're really concerned over how many followers or 'friends' you have, I'd suggest delete your profile because you're not using it right.
I have over a hundred 'friends' on social media, yet less than 5 that I would call if my life depended on it, I'm fully aware of that fact and it doesn't bother me.
I have a handful of people that I trust and love unconditionally and everyone else is simply a pleasure to know. There is no room for jerks.
I don't blog because I want to be famous. I blog because I LOVE writing, sharing and music. When I had no experience or a career to speak of, it became my tool to work towards the dream career. I don't really know what that is, I'm just enjoying the journey for now.
Fame and fortune are dangerous cards to ask for. Your'e giving away the one important thing -anonymity. For money that won't buy you happiness or the answers. For fame, people presume they own you, people presume they have a right to discuss, spit on and glorify your personal life. They begin to live their lives how you would live yours, which isn't what the aim is, you're hoping to inspire people to be confident in themselves.
To be well known for your art, is slightly different. To me celebrities are not to be envied. Artists, doctors, scientists, professors, people with exceptional talent and character, these are the respected people. The people to be inspired by.
I don't blog in the hope that I'll be surrounded by fans of screaming people who aspire to be me. I blog in the hope that one person reading it may listen to the band I have shared, or that they may find some confidence or inspiration from my words. If through doing that, I end up being known for my blog than okay, I'll have some bridges to cross and hurdles to jump. I don't do what I do for fame or freebies, I do it because it's what I am passionate about. If that changes than I'll do something else. I'll tell you something for free, I'll never let people's opinion affect me, because as long as I know I have done the right thing, been a good person and feel happy in myself than their hurtful words and rumors mean nothing.
If you have nothing nice to say, say nothing at all.
This world is full of beauty, passion, people and life. Yet we so often focus on trouble, misery and people that we don't live, we exist. Understand that just because one person says a thing does not mean it has to be that way for you. Only you know how you feel and you are different, incredible and have your own story to tell.
I write because that is what I do best, I have friends who are nurses, teachers and scientists. Without them the world would fall apart, if we were all artists, writers and musicians, where would the world be?
You might not like writing but feel that if you aren't a blogger you aren't cool. That's not the case, you might be the person to cure cancer, you might be a mother or father to the worlds next man to walk on the moon, or woman. There's no knowing of what you might achieve.
Blogging is my life, it's how I found my way into working in the music industry. Every message of praise or offer of work is an honour and I can't help but smile, but all I'm looking for, is to keep doing what I love and live my life. Maybe five years from now I won't even blog (though that thought saddens me) I can't help but wonder what new adventure I might be treading.
All i'm trying to say is that we each are who we are. Fame and fortune don't necessarily bring happiness and peace. Be you, stand out and be different.
Maybe you hate your part time job, but if it provides you with the funds to go trail-walking at weekends or pays for your kids dance classes or provides you money to use on creating and running a blog, or doing things with loved ones than it's worth it. While asking if people want fries with that, or if they want to wear it now, may not feel like it, you may be the highlight of someones day.
While bloggers have helped me more than I could express in words, sometimes it's the server at the coffee shop, the smile of a bus driver and the hello from a passerby that makes me feel like carrying on.
Maybe people don't chase you down the street, maybe they don't ask for your autograph or photo but that doesn't mean they don't respect you.
Ultimately if you don't respect you, how will anyone else?
I hope you can understand my opinion, though I know some will disagree, none of this is meant in bias or to hurt another. I hope that for at least one of you reading this, it provides food for thought.
Wednesday 22 October 2014
IT'S A BLOGGERS LIFE FOR ME
I put my heart into my music blog and it seems fair that I do the same with cove; the lifestyle, journal, fashion and beauty side of LBW. I decided to start a second blog when it was clear that the music aspect of my blog was it's central core. As the music progressed into more than reviews after a shift in the shop, I then found that the little corner of the web I had created for myself, after months of reading BeckyBedbug, EffiesMakeUpBox & NotSoCity (back then Jennie Masters) those three girls without even knowing it saved my life. was no longer a place for ramblings, I decided to create a separate space on the web for that side of my writing.
It just so happened then summer came along and I got so busy with all things music, that I then couldn't keep it updated, so I've spent the last two months racking my brains as to how I can fit everything in and that's when it struck me.
The reason I was struggling to keep it all together was because of the words of another. This shadow that kept trying to overpower me, I realized was no friend when she stated that my work needed to have no face, because people don't want to know a girl like me. I put my energy into believing that. It wasn't long before I realized the face of my work is actually what people connect with, that I realized, was why I was struggling to create content.
The thing is and bloggers you will know this, is that when you create a post your readers connect with you as a person. I find people tell me they like my personable way of writing, my personality in my work. So I vow never again to let the words of another bring me down.
I've suffered with anxiety for a good few years now, it started as a kid, I would have crippling panic attacks when I felt scared. I managed to overcome these by the age of 16 but after getting my heartbroken at 18 and ending up in several downward spiralling relationships and a personal rut, the anxiety came back in the form of fear.
I never attended college meet ups, stopped attending auditions and eventually managed to convince myself I was never going to amount to anything interesting and that life was work, houses and chores. As a creative person, this not only brought me down but managed to bring me to a standstill.
I made one last vain attempt to free myself from my demons, I cut out the people in my life who brought me down, I quit my job, ended my relationship, everything but cut my hair. (One bad haircut from my mum, my best friend Caz - I still remember crying and Stingray from neighbors (long story) was enough to persuade me to keep it long and stop going for daring cuts.)
I remember buying company magazine, it had become the light in a dark place and I loved it's colourful pages, pretty clothes but mostly it's bloggers, street stylers and beauty queens. The fact that they were for the most part real girls, took away my crippling fear and made me feel that maybe just maybe one day, I could be much like them.
It led me to Jennie Masters fashion blog, I loved her style, it partly reminded me of my own except I'd never had the confidence to talk about it. The blog I found alongside this one was BeckyBedbug. Between these two girls, there was rarely a day I didn't log on, to see if a new post would be there for me to read.
As I began to look for more blogs I came across EffiesMakeUpBox, so cool. I LOVED the outfit posts and I started to read more and more blogs until one day I decided to start my own. I thought this is it, this is the moment my life will turn around. So I sat eagerly planning my blog and posts, only to discover that it wasn't easy, I couldn't create an empire or look stunning in my outfits and I began to deflate again.
Then while listening to music a 'review' fell out of a case. I used to review every CD I bought and write the review on a piece of A4 paper and tuck it inside the case in case someone in hundreds of years were to find it and wonder what it was like, they might not be able to play it if a new form of technology took over CD's!
I thought about it when the phone rang, Mel 'hey do you want to go to a gig tonight?' we trundled down to a pub in Portsmouth and watched the band play. I found myself excited and after went home and typed a review. (The story doesn't end there but I could write all day about the journey that followed.) So to summarize LITTLEBEARWOLF was born.
Fashion and beauty were hard for someone with little to no self esteem to write about, music has and always will be a massive passion of mine and throughout my darkest times it was there to create a moment of bliss.
The journey that led me to here has meant a boost in esteem, confidence and knowing that following my passions is what makes my life happy.
That character that has evolved is me and the heart I put into my work comes from that character and passion. So I'll never again take the personality out of what I do.
In fact if anything, it's made me feel stronger as a blogger.
I only recently started to watch vlogs. It wasn't long until I came across Zoella. Firstly like the blogs I first read all those months ago, the thing that drew me into her videos was that I felt I could connect with Zoe. As if in a another life or time we'd be friends. I liked her personable nature and when I watched her videos about anxiety, it sealed the deal that she'd be added to my list of inspiring blogger people.
The trouble is though, when you have a blog that you pour your life and soul into, it becomes very personal. I sort of think it becomes your horcrux, the one you didn't mean to make. A little part of your soul goes into it, meaning when people (not Harry Potter as we're not all demon wizards trying to destroy humanity, i'm talking more about internet trolls and gollum like 'friends') so when people say or do hurtful things to it, it's personal and painful.
It's because I can tell you first hand it's bloody hard work running a blog. It's the greatest thing I've ever done but it's everyday of my life, being me and the musicians I work with, people sometimes expect you to be on it 24/7 when actually I'll be hiding in Skyrim building my archery skills just to feel an escape from the world.
People who don't have the fire (by fire I mean creativity, inspiration, motivation and get up and go) to create their own piece of happiness, they turn to destroying the people who have.
I thought that by now being in the adult world that people would be more compassionate than to try and turn others against those they are envious of. If Bowling for soup taught me anything, it's that high school never ends. So unfortunately where light shines, darkness dwells.
What's important to remember here bloggers is that they will never be you. We each alone have the power to be us and make our own stories as incredible and exciting as we desire.
I've met non-blogger types who say it's pointless and a bunch of teenagers making videos about lipstick, but I don't need to explain myself to them. They are entitled to their opinion.
Blogging brought me a whole new world, new people, new places and experiences.
Blogging is a huge community of people that can express themselves in areas they are passionate about for hobbies, part of or all of their work. It's a big industry that's ever growing and one day maybe we'll all be doing something different, we're not hurting anyone, we're simply sharing things with others that make our lives happy. Be it bands, make up, help for conditions like anxiety or local business' worth checking out.
So to those who down on bloggers and tell us we're wasting our time, I ask what they're doing with theirs that provides them with the power to control others.
A wise tutor turned friend once told me 'they accept convention and when someone challenges convention, they worry that you may break the convention and they realise they could be doing it differently. Without the willpower and motivation they never will, so their only power is their hold over you'.
Here are a selection of blogs that provide me with inspiration and the bloggers who have become my friends and colleagues.
BeckyBedbug // EffiesMakeUpBox // NotSoCity // Music&Manxies // Le-Happy // Songbird // USN // Scarphelia // Ella Masters // Flat Eleven // Gembolini // Jough // PierreLeCat // Annarack // Zoella
Just in case you'd like to take a wander to my music blog LITTLEBEARWOLF you can!
The above blogs are my faves, I read others and always like to read more so feel free to comment below with your links. Either through email, tweets or blogging I've come to know these bloggers and have respect for each of them.
We each forge our own paths in life, whether we know it or not we all have the power to be creative. It took me a long time to feel as worthy as some of the bloggers above but when I got to know them I came to realise just how lovely they were and human too. They each have their own magic and have helped me to find mine.
LOVE & PEACE
♥ ☮
KG
Images / content belong to their respective owners.
LITTLEBEARWOLFCOVE © Krystal Gemma.
Friday 10 October 2014
TwentyOneThings #2
So day two of my TwentyOneThings challenge, this is basically where I change my life for the better through a series of blog posts. Challenging my crippling anxiety and maintaining a balance in my life.
If you read the first post of #TwentyOneThings than you'll know that this series of posts is aiming to address the magic and beauty in life to focus on the good that is achieved and the happiness that is felt.
If you haven't read the first post, you can do that by clicking here.
As I stated in the previous post, balance is the key to life. That balance is a constant equation, which is made up of hundreds of mini equations for every decision and action that we make. It would be all to depressing to sum up life in a series of mathematical equations so I am furthering that focus on the beauty in life. In my life.
Treating others as you wish to be treated. This is an important part of my balance act. I tend to be quite intuitive and though I may not say a word I am taking in more about a situation than some people realise. I bounce off people and so I put a lot of stock into how people speak to me and treat me, it gives me a good idea of how I am going to respond to them.
It doesn't take much to be a good person. There's a film called 'About Time' it's the story of a young man who learns he can travel in time, he learns that rather than going back in time each day to re-live the moments and see the good, that he is just going to try and live everyday as well as he can.
So put out of your mind the bad things, the people that you disagree with and probably just about every news story you've heard this week.
It is said that the big things in life are in fact the little things. Actually it's the people we hold most dear that we would crave one more hug, kiss or chat with, over the supposed big things that make us 'successful'. I've heard people say they'd give it all up to just have one more day with that person or doing that thing.
So take all of the little things that happen to you everyday and treasure them. Whether you win or lose at your dream, those little things will be the treasures that keep you strong.
For me, it's the fresh cold air that surrounds me upon leaving the house in the morning, it reminds me I am alive, I am this incredibly tiny thing in a gigantic universe that has this whole world in her life.
It's the crisp leaves on the ground and my breath appearing like Dragon smoke in the winter air.
It's the look on my mums face when I pop round and she shows me the fish she bought for her pond. It's the look of wonder in my dads expression when I show him the studio I work at. It's the rare and golden moments where my brother and I aren't disagreeing about politics, idealism and music long enough to enjoy each others company.
The smile I feel draw across my face every time I see my best friend. The knowing that there is a bond two people can share that feels like you have known each other for a hundred years and still enjoy each other's companionship.
The musicians I get to work with that continue to astound and inspire me, the moments we share when they experience their dreams.
The playing of music, the performing of the arts, learning and studying all the subjects I hold dear.
The feeling of being wrapped up in a duvet and pillows while the storm rages ever on outside.
Those little atom sized events to the universe provide me with a true feeling of peace and passion in the tiny inconsequential extraordinary ordinary life of KG.
So wherever you are, take a moment to reflect upon all of the atom sized events in your life that actually provide you with a wealth of warmth in the coldest times.
If you read the first post of #TwentyOneThings than you'll know that this series of posts is aiming to address the magic and beauty in life to focus on the good that is achieved and the happiness that is felt.
If you haven't read the first post, you can do that by clicking here.
As I stated in the previous post, balance is the key to life. That balance is a constant equation, which is made up of hundreds of mini equations for every decision and action that we make. It would be all to depressing to sum up life in a series of mathematical equations so I am furthering that focus on the beauty in life. In my life.
Treating others as you wish to be treated. This is an important part of my balance act. I tend to be quite intuitive and though I may not say a word I am taking in more about a situation than some people realise. I bounce off people and so I put a lot of stock into how people speak to me and treat me, it gives me a good idea of how I am going to respond to them.
It doesn't take much to be a good person. There's a film called 'About Time' it's the story of a young man who learns he can travel in time, he learns that rather than going back in time each day to re-live the moments and see the good, that he is just going to try and live everyday as well as he can.
So put out of your mind the bad things, the people that you disagree with and probably just about every news story you've heard this week.
It is said that the big things in life are in fact the little things. Actually it's the people we hold most dear that we would crave one more hug, kiss or chat with, over the supposed big things that make us 'successful'. I've heard people say they'd give it all up to just have one more day with that person or doing that thing.
So take all of the little things that happen to you everyday and treasure them. Whether you win or lose at your dream, those little things will be the treasures that keep you strong.
For me, it's the fresh cold air that surrounds me upon leaving the house in the morning, it reminds me I am alive, I am this incredibly tiny thing in a gigantic universe that has this whole world in her life.
It's the crisp leaves on the ground and my breath appearing like Dragon smoke in the winter air.
It's the look on my mums face when I pop round and she shows me the fish she bought for her pond. It's the look of wonder in my dads expression when I show him the studio I work at. It's the rare and golden moments where my brother and I aren't disagreeing about politics, idealism and music long enough to enjoy each others company.
The smile I feel draw across my face every time I see my best friend. The knowing that there is a bond two people can share that feels like you have known each other for a hundred years and still enjoy each other's companionship.
The musicians I get to work with that continue to astound and inspire me, the moments we share when they experience their dreams.
The playing of music, the performing of the arts, learning and studying all the subjects I hold dear.
The feeling of being wrapped up in a duvet and pillows while the storm rages ever on outside.
Those little atom sized events to the universe provide me with a true feeling of peace and passion in the tiny inconsequential extraordinary ordinary life of KG.
So wherever you are, take a moment to reflect upon all of the atom sized events in your life that actually provide you with a wealth of warmth in the coldest times.
LOVE & PEACE
♥ ☮
KG
Images / content belong to their respective owners.
LITTLEBEARWOLFCOVE © Krystal Gemma.
Thursday 9 October 2014
TwentyOneThings
Life is this incredibly fragile balancing equation, tip the scale just even a pinch over and your whole world can come crashing down around you. It can only take a split second to change your life forever and sometimes it's something that you couldn't control with all the power and money in the world.
This past week or so I've felt very much as though I've been watching the world from afar, mostly due to the fact I came down with a heavy cold and simply mustering the strength to move around proved too much by the end of the week. Resulting in a few days with my own company.
Feeling at a loss, frustrated I couldn't work or be out of the house I read the news, that was a mistake. Feeling unwell and depressed I started to just watch. Watch people walking down the street outside, watch people on the bus, in the waiting room, my own family and friends. What I noticed is that we're all moving so fast that we never slow enough to stop, even when you think you're relaxing your still moving at 280967473365 miles an hour.
The world never sleeps anymore, there's just varying degrees of consciousness. Bars open till 3 am, cafe's open again at 5 am, the internet provides a matrix of constant awareness where there's always something to entertain you or capture your attention.
Constant words, thoughts, actions and consequences fill my mind, I think about EVERYTHING constantly. It's like when Bruce Almighty hears all the prayers of all the people, except it's not a power, it's just my brain constantly on full throttle. I suddenly felt as though the room was closing in around me. I felt like I could feel every single voice of all the people in the world, it was if I wasn't even in my body, I was just hovering somewhere above it all. I couldn't get the news stories out of my head, I couldn't stop worrying about my family, my friends, my work, I was thinking about all the musicians and bands I've worked with and where all that's heading, I couldn't think about what I like and how I was feeling, there was no room for any more thoughts. How could I ever unscramble my own thoughts with all the suffering and turmoil, thoughts and dreams of the rest of the population spinning round my mind? It was like a deafening roar of noise despite the fact I was alone and the room was completely silent apart from the radio that i'd had on for background noise ironically enough.
So I turned my phone off, I turned my laptop off, I turned the radio off and I switched the light off.
I pulled the curtains and just lay my head on the pillow, when I emerged a couple of hours later, I felt disorientated, as though the whole day had been a dream.
There were no thoughts, people or noises. It was just the late afternoon with the last of the summer sunshine gleaming in through the window.
I opened the window and the cool breeze that swilled around my face and hair was like the first breath I had ever taken.
I think for the first time in probably my entire adult life I had switched off. More like my battery was so low that I powered down automatically.
Today I've felt refreshed, the world might not sleep, I do. It just means adding that to the balance equation. It's easy to become depressed, to become obsessed with what the rest of the world is doing, looking like and tell yourself that you're not good enough, that you'll never succeed. That's not the case, you just haven't quite found the formula to the equation yet.
Don't stress it, because even when you find the formula, it's only a matter of time before it needs to be-calculated, the world doesn't sleep. Remember?
Your choice is survive or live. We spend so long trying to make our dreams come true, to be successful that we actually cease to live, we become these tireless robots of ambition. If you're not going to enjoy the route to whatever fantastical thing you're destined for, than you'll never appreciate that thing when it happens. The truth of it is, none of us are going to make it out alive, so we may as well enjoy the journey.
If you get to the end of your time and they (whichever powers that might be) ask you how heaven, paradise was, what will you say?
I spent so long trying to maintain everything I've built and building that I was no longer thriving on it, just surviving it. Heartbreaking because my blog and my music work is everything to me. It was no ones fault but my own, in a world that doesn't sleep it's a balancing act to keep up. After a few days to myself, I realise that I am an integral part to my life, so I have to be in my balance equation. Me time needs to be small chunks regularly not a week in bed because I've run myself into the ground.
Passion for what I do is powerless without energy.
With that the dreadful block I've faced throughout the entirety of September has dispersed and I feel I could write all night long.
We all experience life differently, we all perceive the world differently but the one thing we have in common is that time chases all of us, so you can either choose to see the magic and keep attempting to re-calculate the equation to balance your universe or not. It's not what we do that makes our life great, it's how we do it. Each of us.
I hope you maintain the balance long enough to truly encompass all of the incredible beautiful things in this world. There may be many bad savage things happening, our media doesn't portray all of the stunning, magical things that sometimes can only be felt not seen.
To help me challenge my anxiety I'm using this as the first post of twenty-one. #TwentyOneThings is my challenge to change my life by improving the quality of it.
Balancing all the things in my life properly is the first step I am taking to improving my quality of life.
Research has shown it takes 21 days to form or break a habit, so this is my challenge and each day I'll share a post here tagged #TwentyOneThings that are my way of fighting my anxiety and feeling stronger.
LOVE & PEACE
♥ ☮
KG
Images / content belong to their respective owners.
LITTLEBEARWOLFCOVE © Krystal Gemma.
Sunday 5 October 2014
† ☾ HOME IS WHERE THE HEART IS ☾ †
Whether it's people who live in a place saying it or people who have only premeditated news stories to go on, a places' reputation can suffer dramatically through people's perceptions.
This got me thinking recently, people are so quick to down a place, 'there's nothing exciting to do, people are rude, there's nothing magical, the streets are a mess'.
I wonder how many of those people go out of their way to a. be somewhere else or b. make a positive change to the place they live.
If you live in a place than of course from time to time you're going to need to escape the walls and see a change of scenery.
I moved to Gosport ten years ago. I haven't remained in Gosport for all of that decade. In fact for probably only half that time.
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| Photographs by KG |
What I have found here the few times I've moved back, is not a prison in which I can't escape, but a home that has welcomed me back.
Gosport's a smallish harbour town on the south coast of England, it sits between Portsmouth and Southampton and it certainly has it's own character and charm.
Gosport's biggest let down is the people who slate it, the people who make no attempt to preserve it and who use twenty year old statements to back up their opinions.
Well perhaps Gosport isn't your cup of tea, but no ones forcing you to keep buying the same brand of tea are they? What those that can appreciate the town for it's beauty realise, is that Gosport is a place of interest to many historians interested in the military, in the many marinas and old architecture.
Life goes on much the way it has for many years, fairly uninterrupted by the wider world.
It's not just the history, it's the scenery; head to either of Gosport's pebble beaches and you'll find scenic views of the Solent and Isle of Wight. On sunny days there's more than enough places to treat yourself to a tasty ice cream or take a walk along the coast.
Cycle routes and footpaths that take you right from the beach through town and all the way to neighboring towns mean that Gosport is accessible and has provided it's citizens with a free way to keep healthy.
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| Photographs by KG |
What I've found mostly in Gosport is that the people are all friendly, willing to give their time and have a chat.
People have the power to make change happen, people have the ability to change their own perceptions of a place.
With local music festivals, festival theatre shows, arts, crafts fairs and town markets there is quite often something interesting happening in town.
With Portsmouth just a 15 minute ferry trip from the Gosport marina, you can be in the city soaking up the energy in no time at all.
Within an hour you can be in the heart of the new forest, Meon Valley, Sussex downs or well on your way to Brighton and Bournemouth, all offering their own charm and beauty.
If I've learnt anything, it's people that make a place feel like home. You can be in the most spectacular place on the planet but if you haven't got anyone to share it with, it's only going to be half as special.
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| Photographs by KG |
Gosport has some incredible people with such tales to tell. So by all means go out and explore the world, but a wise man once said to me, 'everyone needs somewhere to come back to', that's so true.
I've got to say that for me Gosport is pretty special, the sights are nice but it's my friends, colleagues and characters that make it feel like home.
Maybe I won't live in Gosport forever, but while I do, I'll continue to make the effort to make the town a great place to be. Show a smile, help someone out, throw your litter in a bin, all small actions that if everyone did would have a lasting effect on the town.
If you're visiting Gosport, be sure to check out Fort Brockhurst (complete with moat), check out Stokes Bay, Gosport Marina, the many cafe's and restaurants.
Check out the towns old taverns and live music nights. Alverstoke Village church is beautiful and you can walk the old train track route too.
Come down, make friends and soak up the community spirit of Gosport.
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